On Your Shore
by SelahSpinshadow
Summary: [RiD] A dark secret from Prowl's past is threatening to ruin his hope for the future. Book 1 of The Prometheus Cycle. [023x003]
1. Unwelcome Union

**On Your Shore**

_Strange how my heart beats   
To find myself upon your shore.   
Strange how I still feel   
My loss of comfort gone before. _

Cool waves wash over   
And drift away with dreams of youth   
So time is stolen   
I cannot hold you long enough. 

And so this is where I should be now   
Days and nights falling by   
Days and nights falling by me.

_I know of a dream I should be holding   
Days and nights falling by   
Days and nights falling by me. _

Soft blue horizons   
Reach far into my childhood days   
As you are rising   
To bring me my forgotten ways 

Strange how I falter   
To find I'm standing in deep water   
Strange how my heart beats   
To find I'm standing on your shore

-- Enya, "On Your Shore"

Author's Note: _[27.05.02]_ Crikey! It's finally finished! Yes, that's right, dear readers, this story is now complete. Whimper all you like, but she'sa done and'a nothing you say is'a gonna make me open 'er up and write some more. So nyah!   
As a bit of side note (and you probably already noticed this in the summary), "On Your Shore" is the first in a mini-series of RiD fics by yours truly: The Prometheus Cycle. And before you ask, no, I don't know how many fics will comprise this series.   
And now, for the usual disclaimers. I don't own any of the characters used, except any humans that are not Koji or Dr. Oneshi. I wouldn't _mind_ owning them, but I don't, more's the pity. Also, this is a RiD slash fic, Magnus x Prowl . . . for those who haven't read this before. ;)   
Okay, I think that covers my afterburners. Enjoy the fic! And if you do feel the urge to flame me, well, fine, be that way. You can reach me at kissmyaft@transfactions.com. ;)   


* * * * *   
  
  
Chapter 1: Unwelcome Union

  
  
"I hate him! I hate him, I hate him, I HATE HIM!"   
"Whoa, dude, Bro, calm down."   
Sideburn had never seen his brother so angry before. Well, no, that wasn't _completely_ accurate. Prowl flipped out pretty regularly over his own antics. Older brothers never could understand the finer points of chasing little red sports cars, particularly Prowl. But even then, Prowl never threw fits _quite_ like this.   
"This is it, the absolute last straw! I won't put up with this anymore! He's reckless, arrogant, self-absorbed, a menace to society . . . he doesn't even _act_ like an Autobot!"   
Ultra Magnus. Had to be him. Sideburn stifled a sigh and just sat down. No one got to Prowl like Ultra Magnus. It might almost be amusing, if it wasn't also terribly frustrating. Especially when Prowl's anger meant he was on a violent redecorating kick.   
"Prowl, put down the mirror a second and tell me what happened. Preferably _before_ you break X-Brawn's favourite chair. Again."   
Prowl set down the mirror with a sigh. He then settled himself on his own bunk. As much as he hated to admit it, his brother was right. Violence was not the answer, no matter how satisfying it was.   
"I was on patrol. Who knows what _he_ was out there doing. Primus forbid he should actually integrate with the rest of the team. I don't know why Optimus puts up with him anyway."   
"Bro, you're rambling."   
"I am not. In any case, I'm on patrol in the gamma sector following up a rumor of Predacon activity and what should I see in front of me? A ten car pile up. Naturally, I stop to help. And you won't _believe_ what the drivers said caused the accident."   
"Wait, let me guess . . . Ultra Magnus."   
"Oh nooo, nothing so simple as that. It seems the first two cars actually collided when one was swerving to avoid a giant toad. Of course Slapper wasn't alone, which lead to the addition of cars Three, Four, and Five."   
"So where do cars Six through Ten come in?"   
"Well, by now people were noticing something very wrong and most were quite happy to find another way, if possible. Car Six was driven off the road by, wait for it, a driverless blue car carrier. An _empty_, driveless blue car carrier. An empty, driveless blue car carrier that shortly thereafter transformed into Ultra Magnus. And of course, as you can guess, rather than luring the Predacons _away_ from the humans, he opens fire, right there, in the middle of the interstate!"   
By now it was pretty obvious that, if Prowl's mouth was at all visible, he'd be frothing at it. Sideburn on the other hand was fighting valiantly to keep a straight face. Yes, it was unfortunate that human vehicles had been damaged in a skirmish with the Predacons, but collateral damage was an expected part of any war. It wasn't like anyone had been killed; Prowl would have said so already if they had.   
"He _does_ deal with Slapper, Gas Skunk and Darkscream though, right?"   
"Not before littering the highway with spent casings and causing cars Seven, Eight, and Nine to slam into the growing pileup behind him. Then, calm as you please, he drives away, forcing car Ten off the road like some sort of deranged parting gift. He doesn't even _apologize_ to people! He just drives off like they don't even exist!"   
Prowl stood up and started pacing the quarters he shared with his brothers. That someone could be so . . . so . . . so willfully unconcerned with the welfare of others and still call himself an Autobot . . . it made him want to shake some sensibilities in Ultra Magnus's processors. They were supposed to be on this planet to protect it from Megatron and his minions. But every time Prowl turned around, Ultra Magnus was endangering his fellow Autobots, endangering the humans, endangering the environment. . . .   
_Just what kind of an Autobot does he think he is? I don't care if he _is_ Optimus's brother, this can't go on. Someone needs to set him straight, before he kills someone._   
"Is Prime in?"   
"Don't know; you'll have to ask T-AI."   
Prowl nodded once, then stomped out of the room. Sideburn sighed as he watched his brother leave.   
_Primus, I hope he knows what he's doing,_ Sideburn thought to himself. _Slag, I just hope I know what _I'm_ doing. . . ._   
"T-AI, I need a commline to Ultra Magnus."   
_"You've got it, Sideburn!"_   
Sideburn was only waiting for a couple seconds before he got a response from Optimus Prime's brother.   
_"This'd better be good, Sideburn,"_ Ultra Magnus growled over the commline.   
"Good to hear from you too, Magnus. Look, I shouldn't be doing this but . . . you're one irrate Prowl away from deep trouble, man."   
_"I seriously doubt it."_   
"Oh yeah? Well he's all set to report your skirmish with the Preds this morning to Optimus. And it don't sound too good for you."   
_"What's Optimus going to do? Slap my hands and tell me not to do it again? You don't scare me, Sideburn. Now, if you don't mind, I've got better things to do."_   
"Don't say I didn't warn you," Sideburn muttered, but the static from the line made him doubt the other Autobot had even heard him. Sighing to himself, he set about picking up the reckage from Prowl's fit.   
  


* * * * * 

  
"So I told him, if he was going to act like that, he could just pack up his things and move out."   
"What did he say to that?"   
"What do you think? Nothing. He just packs his things and walks out the door. I'm telling ya, REV, I'm real tired of it. I don't know why I thought an ultimatum would work when nothing else did."   
"Hey, you had to try, Crosswise. So he'll go sulk for a few days. Then he'll see how happy you can be without him - and how miserable he is without _you_ - and he'll apologize."   
"Maybe," Crosswise sighed, "but he'll still be the same underneath. Inside a week, he'd be back to taking me for granted."   
"Hey, you don't know that."   
REV looked as though he was about to say more when a soft cough interrupted their conversation. Crosswise jumped, hurriedly backing away from REV as Prowl walked into the room.   
"I'd ask what you two think you're doing, but I don't think I want to know."   
"Hey, it's still a free world. We can congregate wherever we like."   
"True, but you don't need to be kibbitzing in the command center. T-AI! I need some information."   
"Sure thing, Prowl! What can I do for you?"   
Prowl stifled an irritated growl; T-AI's perpetually cheery disposition was hardly what he wanted at the moment.   
"Where's Optimus?"   
"He's still out in the field, Prowl. Why, is something wrong? I can call him back if it's an emergency."   
"I need to talk to him. It's rather important."   
"Then I'll call him right away!" the overly cute hologram girl offered animatedly. Prowl wanted to sigh, but decided against it.   
_"Yes, T-AI?"_   
"Optimus, Prowl said he wanted to talk to you and that it was important."   
_"All right, Prowl, I'm listening."_   
"Actually, sir, I was hoping we could talk privately. In person."   
_"Very well. REV, Crosswise, finish out my patrol. T-AI, activate the global spacebridge."_   
"Yes sir!" the hologram girl chirruped. Prowl suppressed another sigh and watched the two Spychangers leave the command center.   
"How lo--"   
"He's entering the space bridge now. I've got research to run, so I'll let you two have your privacy."   
"Actually. . .," he started, but the hologram was already gone. _Not that I'm going to complain. Someone ought to find out how to reprogram her_, he thought irritably.   
"You wanted to talk to me, Prowl?"   
"Yes sir. It's about Ultra Magnus."   
"Yes, I know," Optimus replied calmly. "Come into my office."   
"You _know_? How do you know?" Prowl asked as he fell into step with his commander.   
"Because he called me," Optimus responded, gesturing for Prowl to precede him.   
"He did _what_?"   
"He said you might be coming to me with reports of his misconduct and that he wanted me to know everything you would tell me would be true."   
Prowl just stood and stared as Optimus settled at his desk. This went beyond unexpected. This was downright flabbergasting.   
"So, what happened?"   
"I'm suprised you haven't heard it from the human news feeds yet. He caused a ten car pile up while intercepting Slapper, Gas Skunk, and Darkscream. In fact, he drove two of the cars right off the road. And he didn't even apologize, let alone help the humans involved."   
"Ultra Magnus is the greatest Autobot warrior Cybertron has ever produced. He is not a diplomat. He knows his own weaknesses. Besides, from the sounds of it, you were there to take care of it."   
"I came upon the scene two minutes after he'd left. He couldn't've known anyone would be along later."   
"I wouldn't be so sure of that, if I were you," Optimus replied, absently toying with a peice of carved crystal. "Magnus probably detected you at a distance. Otherwise, he probably would have called the base."   
"You can't know that."   
"Can't I? You forget, he _is_ my brother. For all our differences, he is still an Autobot."   
"He doesn't act like it," Prowl muttered.   
"His methods are not normal, no, but beneath his ruthlessness beats the spark of an Autobot."   
"That ruthlessness you so admire nearly cost several dozen humans their lives. . . ."   
"But it didn't, did it, Prowl?" Optimus interrupted, his tone sharp with rebuke. "And in your eagerness to judge him, you forget that he has saved your life more than once with his unorthodox mannerisms.   
"Now, as it happens, I've invited him to join us here at headquarters and he has agreed to come. I'll be making a general announcement soon, but since you seem to have the hardest time with him, I thought I would take this moment to speak with you privately. This will be his home too and I _will not_ tolerate you making him feel unwelcome."   
"But. . . ."   
"But nothing. He is an Autobot and my brother. I suggest you adjust your thought processes accordingly."   
"Very well, sir."   
"Is there anything else?"   
"No, sir. Thank you for seeing me, sir."   
"Prowl," Optimus sighed, "give him a chance. He's not a bad Mech . . . _if_ you will give yourself a chance to see that."   
"I'm sorry, Optimus, but I can't see it that way. He's a rouge element, a threat to our peaceful relations with the humans, and irresponsible with his power."   
"He's also a strong ally in our fight against Megatron and Cybertron's finest warrior. And he will be here in ten hours."   
"I still think. . . ."   
"It's not up for debate, Prowl. Dismissed."   
"Yes sir," Prowl muttered. Striding stiffly out of Optimus's office, he marched through the base's corridors until he reached the rifle range. Perhaps a few hours on the range would clear his mind.   
  


* * * * * 

  
Ultra Magnus rolled to a stop in front of the Washington Monument. It was, in his opinion, a rediculous place to meet. Especially since the global spacebridge could open anywhere in the world. The constant stream of humans flowing down the sidewalk next to him did nothing to improve his mood. Most of them were too wrapped up in their own meaningless lives to pay any attention to him, which only proved to him how pathetic they really were. Here he was, a giant car carrier with a _Japanese_ license plate in the heart of the American capital, and less than two percent of the people walking by gave him more than a glance.   
_Morons. And they call themselves the most advanced species on this mudball. They're not worth the effort Optimus and his fools expend trying to save them._   
"Mom! Look, it's an Autobot!"   
"Don't be silly, Matthew. I thought I told you no more anime? There is no such thing as giant transforming robots."   
"But Mom, he's got the Autobot symbol right there on his grill!"   
Magnus watched as the young male pulled away from his creatress, weaving through the throng towards him. He remained impassive, waiting to see just what this youth was going to do.   
"See Mom? Autobot sigils. And when's the last time you saw a car carrier sitting in front of the Washington Monument? Especially one like this?"   
That did it. The previously disinteresed throng of passersby became a gawking crowd, jostling around to get a better look at this anomoly in their otherwise tedious lives.   
_I'm going to kill Optimus for this. Then I'll take the Matrix, resurrect him, and kill him again._   
"All right people, show's over. Move it along, now. There's nothing to see here. Move along."   
Ultra Magnus watched Prowl's approach, moderately impressed to see he had taken a little initiative in his disguise by powering up and applying federal decals to his doors. His vehicle mode was still non-standard, but the tone of authority was hard to defy.   
"Well, you're certainly the last person I expected to see here."   
"It wasn't my idea, now shut up and follow me."   
_Amature_, he thought to himself as he pulled into traffic behind Prowl. He followed the other Autobot through the streets of Washington D.C., only to find they were driving in a circle . . . a circle that lead right back to the Washington Monument.   
"All right, enough games. What's going on? Are you _trying_ to create a scene?"   
"I'd say you already did that just fine on your own."   
"Prowl, Magnus, enough. I asked you here for a reason, Magnus."   
"Well then, get on with it," Magnus growled. Of all the things that he hated about his brother, Optimus's tendancy to needlessly draw out a conversation was one that particularly irritated him.   
"Prowl, join us at dusk. Magnus, let's go for a drive."   
Ultra Magnus bit back a slew of choice phrases, opting instead to follow his brother. They were creating a mild stir, though Magnus suspected that was due more to Optimus's obviously non-American chassis than anything else. As much as he was hoping this drive would lead him to a spacebridge entry, he couldn't make himself feel completely surprised when it led, instead, to another monument.   
"The Jefferson Memorial. You know, he was a slave owner, a womanizer, a rebel and malcontent in the worst senses of the word. He inspired a rebellion that spawned a rather bloody war."   
"So what?"   
"So? He was a rogue, an outcast and pariah in English society. And yet, despite his rather glaring character flaws, he's revered by Americans as one of the founding fathers of their country."   
"Is there a point to this? Because if there isn't, I've got better things to do than listen to you drone on about some dead human, Optimus."   
"No you don't. That's why I invited you to join us at headquarters. You're an Autobot, Magnus. All this solitude isn't good for you."   
"I don't need you telling me what is and what isn't good for me, Optimus. I'm not one of your idiot lackeys like those Autobots you have in your precious headquarters."   
"Does this mean you're changing your mind about staying with us?"   
"No, not unless you're changing the terms of our agreement."   
"No. Personal quarters, unfettered access to our energy resources and our computers, a key to the spacebridge network, and no questions . . . as long as you agree to work with me instead of against me. We share the Matrix now, Magnus. If you can remember that and act accordingly, then granting you shelter is the least I can do."   
"Then let's go."   
"We will. At dusk. There's one more thing I want to show you."   
Magnus growled in irritation, but if his brother heard him, he didn't show it.   
  


* * * * * 

  
Optimus Prime sat parked next to Ultra Magnus in silence, staring across the street at The Wall. This was his eighth trip to this particular monument since he had started patroling this part of the world and, as every time before, he felt reluctant to speak for a moment. He could tell his brother was impatient to know why they were here, but he could also tell that, like himself, Magnus was reluctant to break their silence.   
"You feel it too," he murmured after a moment.   
"Where are we?" came his brother's murmured response.   
"The Vietnam Memorial, also known as The Wall," he replied quietly, noting Prowl's approach from the west. The bright yellow-orange disk of Earth's primary was resting on the horizon, as if nerving itself up to sink below and plunge the world into darkness. It was a bit of a backwards metaphor, as it was really the Earth's rotation that was creating nightfall and not the movements of it's star, but no less fitting for that.   
"Why bring me here, Optimus?"   
"I . . . don't know. I suppose I thought it was a good metaphor for us. The Vietnam War very nearly tore this country apart. It wasn't until after this monument was built, several years after the war ended, that it began to heal."   
"You ramble too much Optimus. If you have something to say, just say it."   
Optimus sighed; his brother had never been one for patience. Or for extended metaphor. _Perhaps this is a mistake. Why am I doing this?_   
"I would like to heal the rift between us, brother, but I know it will take time."   
For a moment, Optimus was certain Magnus was going to say something. Instead, he lowered his rear doors, suprising Prowl.   
"Top deck. I think we're done here, right Optimus?"   
"Yeah," Optimus sighed. "Yeah, we're done here."   
  


* * * * * 

  
Prowl rolled up onto Ultra Magnus's top deck, unable, or perhaps merely unwilling, to relax. He still remembered his first trip with Ultra Magnus - as an unwilling passenger. Despite numerous trips since then, he still felt a twinge of worry as the locks clamped down onto his rims. He was trapped now, unable to move or even transform. Ultra Magnus could do anything he wanted to him, and there would be nothing he could do about it. Vaguely more disturbing was the realization that he kind of _liked_ the feeling.   
_That's rediculous. Even if I did, which I don't, I would never . . . with Magnus? But I don't. He might. The other way. Probably does. Figures. Well, he'll be lonely. Course he's probably already lonely. Too bad, really. . . .   
Wait, what am I thinking? Who cares if he's lonely?? He's a bastard. He gets what he deserves._   
"All right, you can get down now."   
Prowl was more than a little shocked to find that, while his thoughts had been rambling, they had returned to base. And he was powered up again. _I was certain I powered down before driving up here_, he thought confusedly as he backed down off Magnus's trailer.   
He transformed then, taking a moment to peel the decals off his doors and to power down again before joining his brothers.   
"Prowl, man, you okay?" Sideburn asked quietly.   
"Yeah, fine," he whispered back. But he could tell his younger brother wasn't convinced.   
"Everyone, you already know Ultra Magnus. He will be staying here at headquarters with us from this point forward. I am certain you will all welcome him and make him feel at home."   
"Oh please, Optimus. Even _I_ don't believe that one. Look, you guys go about your business, I'll go about mine. We'll stay out of each other's way, and everyone'll be happy, got it?"   
There were a few muttered affirmatives and Prowl actually felt a twinge of guilt. He _expected_ to be an outcast here. In fact, he was holding himself separate from the very first, as if he didn't really need them. As if he was afraid to become like them.   
"All right, that's it. Back to work everyone."   
Magnus stood aloof for a few moments, watching the other Autobots disperse. Prowl watched him from the hall, and felt . . . sad for him. The Spychangers vanished rapidly, as did the Build Team and Towline. Midnight Express and Railspike both tried to offer their welcome, but he brushed them off. As the three bullet trains headed out, Rapid Run paused and looked back at Magnus.   
"You know, maybe if you weren't so hard to like, you wouldn't be so unwelcome everywhere you went. Try taking that chip off your shoulder."   
Prowl winced, not entirely sure why. Of all the Autobots present, only Optimus actually made any physical contact with Magnus, but even that was brushed off.   
_Why is he being this way? Does he _like_ being alone? And since when do I care?_   
Shaking his head, Prowl left the command center. He walked the corridors of the Autobot headquarters, lost in thought.   
_What if Optimus is right? What if there is more to Ultra Magnus than his uncaring attitude towards us? What if there's some _other_ reason for him to act this way? Like . . . like some painful loss. Then maybe he's trying to hide something. Maybe he's so ruthless because lost something important and he's afraid to have that happen again.   
But then why all the bitter rhetoric? It's so much easier to just accept that he's a ruthless bastard because he wants the Matrix and he isn't about to let the fact that his brother is the bearer stop him from possessing it. Except. . . .   
Except he hasn't exactly been spewing all that rhetoric lately, has he? He's still a renegade, still a rogue element, but he hasn't tried to kill Optimus since their forced merge. Why? He's had plenty of chances. I mean, he's almost been nice a couple times since then. So why does he still spend most of his time alone and actively pushing us away?_   
Prowl sighed again, no less certain than when he had begun thinking. Looking around, he immediately recognized the corridor that marked the living quarters of himself, his brothers, Build Team, Optimus Prime . . . and now, at the very end, away from everyone else, Ultra Magnus. In fact, he was standing outside Ultra Magnus's quarters.   
_I wonder. . . ._   
  


* * * * * 

  
Ultra Magnus paced out the dimensions of his quarters, from the workstation to his recharge berth, across to the drinks dispensor, over to the shower and hygiene alcove, and back to the door. They were . . . adequate. Nothing compared to his apartment on Cybertron, but then nothing in this base could compare to that. It was, he supposed, the price he paid for leaving that all behind to find his brother. But to be forced to live in this dump of a base . . . that was the last straw.   
_At least I have my privacy. Don't have to worry about their lives interferring with mine. I can come and go as I like, do whatever I want, and not have to worry about finding shelter in foul weather or trying to figure out where I'm getting more fuel._   
Magnus looked around his new quarters again, found a chair, and lowered his bulk into it. Alone and, aside from the subdued sounds of air scrubbers, bathed in silence. He hadn't realized before just how noisy the industrialized world was. Or how much he had grown accustomed to the ambient noise levels. As much as he hated to admit it, he actually missed the sounds of nature.   
"Computer, display results. Search terms: Ambient recordings, Earth, natural."   
_"I have a name, you know."_   
"Oh, T-AI . . . I didn't. . . ."   
_"Didn't realize I ran the whole system? That's okay. And if you're looking for nature sounds, I have all kinds. Is there a particular region or geography you'd like to mimic?"_   
"I hadn't decided yet."   
_"Well, why don't we start with something local and you can adjust it from there? Oh, and I think you're about to have a visitor."_   
"Fine, fine," he grumbled, "just keep it in the background."   
The buzzing doorchime forestalled any more cheerful commentary from T-AI and for that alone he was grateful. Perplexed, but grateful. He hardly expected to be receiving visitors _ever_, let alone within twenty minutes of arriving.   
And he certainly hadn't expected that visitor to be Prowl.   
"Um, hi."   
"Something you want, Prowl?"   
"I just thought, well, since you're new here, I thought I'd see how you were, um, settling in. . . . Yeah. . . ."   
"I'm doing just fine. And I don't need you or Optimus or any of the rest of you losers worrying your pretty little heads over me, got me?"   
"Are you always this much of a selfish bastard or are you acting this way for some other reason? I'll have you know Optimus thinks there's more to you than this anger. I've been _trying_ to give you the benefit of the doubt, but you make it real hard, you know that? Rapid Run is right; you make it real hard to like you. I want to know why."   
"How nice for you," Magnus growled. He slapped the door pad, no longer interested in continuing this conversation. The door only closed halfway before Prowl's hand shot out, catching the door easily and pushing it back towards the wall. Pneumatics hissed in protest, pushing against Prowl's hand. Magnus stepped back in surprise as the Autobot forced his way into his quarters.   
"Maybe . . . now . . . you'll talk . . . to me," Prowl panted as the door hissed shut.   
"What _is_ it with you 'bots anyway?"   
"An insatiable need to know the truth. And I'm not leaving until I get it."   
  


* * * * * 

  
_WHAT am I DOING?_   
"Truth? How's this for truth? You have _no_ right to force your way in here and demand answers to your assinine questions."   
Prowl stood his ground, barely, in the face of Ultra Magnus's ire. Whether he wanted to admit it or not, the other Mech had a point. He was intruding on Magnus's right to privacy. And yet. . . .   
"Why are you even here?"   
"Get out, Prowl."   
"I mean it, Magnus. Why are you even here if you hate us all so much?"   
"Hate you? I don't hate you Prowl. You're not worth the emotion. Now get out."   
"Lie to yourself if you have to," Prowl sighed at last, "but sooner or later the truth will out. It always does."   
"I said get out!"   
Prowl snorted before walking out. _I'm not giving up_, he told himself, _just making a tactical retreat. Let him have his arrogant self-delusions a while longer._   
The Autobot warrior left headquarters, transforming for a drive through the empty expanse of the Gobi desert. He didn't expect any Predacon troubles, and he wasn't on patrol. But he needed some time to think for himself, and he knew he wouldn't get that back at headquarters. Perhaps in the desert, alone, he could find enlightenment.   
  


* * * * * 

  
Days became weeks, and very little had changed. The Autobots continued as they had before, and Ultra Magnus was no more reliable. He was rarely seen at headquarters, and even then, he was given wide berth. A dark cloud hung around the powerful warrior, one no one appeared anxious to invade.   
Prowl caught himself thinking about Ultra Magnus more and more often. Half the time, he wanted to beat the other Mech senseless . . . or at least beat some civility into his subprocessors. He knew Wedge had filed a handful of complaints about Ultra Magnus's condescending attitude, as had High Tower and Heavy Load. Railspike was even now compiling another report on Magnus's irresponsible exploits across the planet. As much as he agreed with his fellow Autobots, he still felt a nagging desire to understand why . . . why Magnus was acting this way and why Optimus was willing to let it slide.   
"Hey, Prowl, wait up!"   
"Something I can help you with, Wedge?"   
"I sure hope so. Could you sign this?"   
"What is it?"   
"A petition. I'm tired of Optimus ignoring me, so I'm collecting signatures. I figure if he sees enough of us feel the same way, well, maybe he'll do something about Ultra Magnus."   
"Wedge. . . ."   
"Yeah?"   
"I don't think this is the answer, Wedge."   
"Aw, come on, Prowl. I know all about how mad he made you last week. You really did a number on that wall, you know. You can't tell me you don't wish Optimus would do something about this whole thing."   
"You're right, Wedge, but . . . it's just not that easy."   
"Why not?"   
"It's . . . it's a brother thing, I guess," Prowl sighed. "I know X-Brawn would act the exact same way if it was me or Sideburn."   
"Eh, maybe you're right. Maybe it won't change anything. But it can't hurt to try, can it?"   
"No," Prowl conceded, "no, I don't suppose it can."   
He signed Wedge's petition but for some reason, he couldn't help feeling dirty for it. Like he was selling out his own brother instead of protesting the behaviour of a rogue Autobot.   
_Don't be rediculous, Prowl. This is completely reasonable. Something has to give. Maybe if he was still on his own it wouldn't be so bad, but living here. . . . He needs to adapt. Maybe this will work where everything else has failed.   
So why do I feel like such a shmuck?_


	2. Approach Vector

**On Your Shore**   
  
  
Chapter 2: Approach Vector

  
  
Ultra Magnus parked on a bluff over Rio del Oro, a tiny town nestled in the foothills of the Sierra Madres, unimportant except for the experimental nuclear power plant that stood out like a blazing sign. Most maps didn't even bother to list this township and the closest freeway was a hundred miles away. He wouldn't be here either, except . . . there, at the base of the giant concaved cylinder of the plant's stack, the Autobot Brothers were sitting around playing cards. If he sat quiet enough in just the right place, their voices drifted up to him.   
"Tarnation! That's the tenth hand today! Are you stacking the deck?"   
"As an officer of the law, I find the very implication insulting."   
"Oh for cryin' out loud, Prowl, will you quit it with the police officer thing? How many times do I gotta say it, Bro? You're not a cop!"   
"I'll have you know. . . ."   
"So how much longer do we have to sit here?" Sideburn interrupted impatiently. "I've got better things to do . . . like finding the love of my life."   
Magnus allowed himself a silent chuckle. As much as he hated to admit it, these three brothers amused him. He tried to convince himself that _that_ was why, when he had overheard Optimus assigning them this guard duty, he had opted to follow them. It had absolutely nothing to do with Prowl. . . .   
Against his will, his viewfinder arrowed in on Prowl, bringing the white samurai warrior into sharp focus. Sunlight shimmered off the windows of his lower panels, scintillating along the radar units housed on his shoulders. Light and shadow played across his face, creating the momentary illusion of a smile.   
"Optimus doesn't know when the Preds'll come, if they come a'tall. We jus' gotta wait."   
"This is rediculous. What, are we going to spend the rest of our lives sitting here?"   
"Nah, the experimental rods're only bein' used today. If the Preds're comin', they'll have to come today. Rods'll be back in lead storage tomorrow."   
"What's the point? Seems like kinda a waste, if you ask me."   
"Experimental procedure is quite exacting, Sideburn. There are rules to be followed, a proper order to things. . . ."   
"Forget I asked," Sideburn interrupted. "How about another hand, since we're just sitting here anyway."   
Ultra Magnus allowed himself another silent chuckle. They were pathetic, there was no denying that, but there was almost a charm in their patheticness. Prowl's obsession with rules and police code was almost more pathetic than Sideburn's obsession with red sports cars, but at least it was a pathetic attribute that had a sense of charm. Sideburn was just pathetic. And X-Brawn . . . he introduced a whole new level of patheticness.   
Long range scanners chirped at him, shattering his daydream as the long range screen zoomed up into the center of his field of vision. Six signatures, the Decepticons. They were hardly being covert, but then again, it didn't really matter. Nothing the humans had could stop them and even the Autobot Brothers would be toast without his help.   
"Ultra Magnus, transform!"   
His vehicle mode flew apart, rearranging into his more familiar root mode. Power flowed through his circuits, singing it's quiet war song. With a surge of power, he activated his rocket pack, landing in the midst of the brothers' game with a solid whump.   
"Sorry to interrupt, boys," he rumbled, overriding their protests, "but we're about to have company, of the Decepticon kind."   
"Magnus, what in tarnation are you doing here?"   
"Saving your pathetic tailpipes. Sideburn, call base. Unless I miss my guess, you boys are going to need all the help you can get."   
  


* * * * * 

  
Ultra Magnus cradled his weapon, waiting in plain sight as the steady whump-whump of Ro-Tor's blades grew slowly louder. The others were hiding behind the stack, but Ultra Magnus stood at the leading edge of the town, waiting for the Decepticons. _ Patience_, he counselled himself, _let them come to you._   
He was soon rewarded with the sight of Ro-Tor and Movor cresting the horizon, Rollbar, Armorhide, Mega Octane, and Scourge rolling into view shortly thereafter. He stood immobile, watching them, once again noting their weaknesses and strengths silently. They came within a half dozen lengths before transforming.   
"Stand aside, Ultra Magnus. This facility and all it's power belong to Megatron."   
"Wrong as usual, Scourge," Magnus replied impassively. "Take 'em, boys!"   
"X-Brawn, power up!" "Sideburn, power up!" "Prowl, power-up!"   
For a microsecond, startled disbelief registered on all six faces of the Decepticons. It was just enough to give the Autobot Brothers the time they needed to press their advantage. Weapons blazing, the three Autobots charged the six Decepticons. And for a moment, it appeared as though the simplistic ruse had been enough to send the incompetant Decepticons running back to base.   
"Don't just stand there, you fools!"   
"Decepticons, combiner mode!"   
"Sword of Fury!" "Ruination awakens!"   
"Oh crap."   
"You three focus on Ruination. I'll deal with the sychophant," Magnus directed, opening fire on Scourge.   
"I really think it'd work better with you tackling Ruination," Prowl opined as he fired on the gestalt. Ultra Magnus grunted, not wasting the time to reply as he grappled with Scourge. The Decepticon's sword pinged off Blue Bolts, threatening to rip the gun from his hand. He turned with the strike, using it to power a right cross to Scourge's exposed face. His opponent ducked under the punch and Magnus spun away, firing round after round at the Decepticon. A yelp sliced through his concentration briefly, then he pushed it aside as Scourge rushed him again.   
Blaring sirens offered a steady candence, a counterpoint to the thundering of his own fuel pump. Power surged through his systems and he lashed out with a spinning backhanded blow. Scourge staggered backwards, momentarily dazed.   
"Fool! You will rue this day! Ultimate Main Battery!"   
Bombs, bullets, and laser bolts rained down around him, but Magnus ignored them all. He spun his weapon around, shifting to plasma cannon. A pained yowl briefly caught his audios. Power and rage both whistled through his audios, the rage growing hotter when he noticed peripherally that Prowl was no longer a part of the fight against Ruination.   
"You . . . will . . . not . . . win!" he growled, punctuating each word with a blast from his cannon. Scourge's laughter rang loudly in his audios as Ruination threw X-Brawn across town. Then another siren joined the background noise, cutting off almost as soon as it sounded.   
"Magnus! Let me give you a hand!"   
Ultra Magnus had not been glad to see his brother since Vector Sigma had chosen Optimus instead of himself to carry the Matrix. Until now. Relief cascading through him, he clasped his brother's hand.   
"Ultimate energy combiner, Omega Prime!"   
He loved and yet hated the forced fusion that gave him more power than even Optimus possessed. For with that fusion came the sickening certainty that Optimus knew all of his secrets, just as he knew all of his brother's. They were still separate, and yet terribly combined.   
**_This time I abdicate the power to you, Brother._**   
Magnus could hardly believe what he was 'hearing' . . . but he wasn't about to question it. Not yet. Weilding the awesome power of Omega Prime, Magnus powered a punch at Ruination that knocked the gestalt into his component combiner team.   
"Leave this place, Decepticons!"   
"Decepticons, withdraw!"   
_Thank you, Optimus.   
**I won't tell anyone you just said that**_, Optimus sent back with the suggestion of amusement. **_ Or anything else. I've kept your secrets this long._**   
"Prime, we've got casualties! We need the space bridge, stat!"   
The forced fusion collapsed as Ultra Magnus pulled free of his brother. Sideburn was flickering, then powered down, suddenly trapped under X-Brawn's dead weight. Prowl . . . Prowl lay where he fell, energon gel oozing from a gaping wound in his chest. Magnus noted his brother helping Sideburn, but he didn't care.   
"Prowl. . . ."   
"Magnus, transform and we'll get them back to base."   
Magnus nodded mutely, disassembling and reassembling into his vehicle mode. The back doors swung down immediately and he waited, patience worn to a thin veneer of civility. He waited as they loaded first X-Brawn and then Prowl before snapping the rear doors back into position. Opening the space bridge portal himself, he didn't even wait for the other two to transform before driving back to base.   
  


* * * * * 

  
Ultra Magnus lingered in the doorway to Medical, watching while repair droids hovered over Prowl's body. He could hear the soft clicking of their tools and gears, the shortened code T-AI used to direct them zipping between the two droids. He knew little enough about such things, but the readings on the monitors did not look particularly encouraging.   
He should have taken out the Decepticons as soon as they crested the horizon. He had beaten the lot of them before, he could have done it again. Maybe if he had, Prowl wouldn't be here now.   
"Ultra Magnus? Didn't expect to see you here. . . ."   
He looked down at Sideburn, frowning at the interruption of his guilty thoughts. X-Brawn had already been released, deemed largely a victim of power fall off. He was, undoubtedly, resting and recharging quietly. Magnus had to admit he was a little surprised to see Sideburn wasn't doing the same.   
"Shouldn't you be resting?"   
"I will . . . just had to see how he was doing. X-Brawn made me promise I'd find out, for both of us."   
"He'll be fine," T-AI's hologram announced. "Now both of you, get out. You both need to be re-energizing, not hanging around here. Don't make me call Optimus on you!"   
"You don't scare me, T-AI," Magnus rumbled.   
"I'm going, T-AI, honest. I just . . . had to see him, ya know?"   
"I know, Sideburn. Now scoot. As for you, Ultra Magnus. . . ."   
He waited, a faint smirk gracing his features as the hologram trailed off, watching Sideburn. As soon as the youngest Autobot Brother was gone, the hologram floated up to optic level.   
"I may not know why you suddenly care about anyone but yourself," she whispered, "but I _do_ know how much energy it takes to combine into Omega Prime. I've seen it in Optimus, and now I'm seeing it in you. You aren't going to do anyone any good if you don't even have the power to stand."   
"I'm fine," he blustered staring past her to watch the repair droids working on Prowl.   
"Magnus, go."   
Magnus looked up sharply, but instead of T-AI, he saw Optimus. His optics narrowed as he watched his brother's gaze turn towards Prowl and the repair droids.   
"What you want . . . it's too soon, Brother."   
"I don't know what you're talking about," he grumbled.   
"Yes you do. Go on. He's not going anywhere."   
For a moment, he was seriously tempted to deck his brother. To knock him flat on his skidplate. But the urge passed as he realized his brother knew more about him then he did himself. _ What else has that forced fusion done to us?_   
Not certain he wanted to know, Ultra Magnus pushed the thought from his mind. He had enough to think about just with his brother's cryptic comments.   
  


* * * * * 

  
Prowl powered up his optics, an involuntary groan squeezing out of him. He had happily forgotten just how painful a near-death experience could be. _In fact_, he thought sourly, _I could have happily gone the rest of my life without being reminded. Oohhh . . . what hit me?_   
"How do ya feel, little brother?"   
"Like Ruination used me for a punching bag and then stomped on the remnants just for fun," Prowl groaned, trying to bring X-Brawn into focus. It was disheartening to note how long it took, and even then his visual field was fuzzy around the edges.   
"Well just you relax, little bro. T-AI says you need to stay in here a couple more hours, then we can take you home."   
"How long has it been?"   
"Almost a day and a half. You were in pretty rough shape when Magnus brought us in."   
"When what?" Prowl asked dazedly. He was pretty certain he hadn't heard that right.   
"When Magnus brought us in. Ah, course, you don't remember."   
"Magnus brought us in," Prowl repeated, confused.   
"I couldn't move and you . . . well, I'll be happy to never see ya in that shape ever again, little bro."   
"Ultra Magnus . . . Optimus's brother? Big guy, hates everybody?"   
"Sideburn says he seemed pretty worried. Didn't even wait on Optimus and Sideburn to get us back to base."   
"That . . . I don't get it."   
"Well, try not to strain your processors. Optimus always said there was a side to him we never saw. I'd say we got a peek at it, even if you an' me didn't see it."   
"All right, X-Brawn, visiting hour's over. You can come get him in a couple hours."   
"Sure thing, T-AI. Rest up now, Prowl, and we'll come get ya when T-AI gives the word."   
"As for you," and the holo-girl hovered into Prowl's visual range, a stern look on her face. "You're still in rough shape, so no moving around. Just lay there and rest."   
"I couldn't go anywhere if I wanted to," Prowl confessed uneasily. The weakness bothered him, but even that was nothing compared to the confusion.   
_Ultra Magnus was worried? Maybe Sideburn's confused. Though I'm not sure how you could confuse worry and Magnus. So what does it mean? It's not like this is the first time anyone's been hurt because of his exploits. He's never been worried before._   
With no ready answers, Prowl drifted into an uneasy recharge cycle.   
  


* * * * * 

  
Optimus Prime silently marked the days of Prowl's slow recovery, matching them against his brother's increasing distance. As if, once he was certain Prowl would recover, Ultra Magnus resumed hiding behind the facade of not needing anyone. It frustrated Optimus, both because he didn't like seeing his brother acting this way and because he knew his brother's behavior was creating problems with the rest of the team. Largely because Magnus refused to become a part of the team.   
_I suppose I don't blame him. We've always been competitive, but as equals. So I suppose it's only natural that he would resist bowing to me, especially when he was the one to win so many of our competitions. I've tried treating him as an equal, but he's still fighting me, still intent on getting the Matrix. If it wasn't for the power of Omega Prime. . . ._   
Thinking about their forced fusion reminded Optimus of the secret he had learned in their last merge. He hadn't intended to peer into his brother's personal life like that, but they were still learning just what the merge meant, learning where the merge began and ended. And neither of them knew how to block their thoughts in that first all-consuming moment of oneness.   
On the one hand, he was almost relieved to know Magnus was capable of normal emotions, wants, and desires. On the other, he felt incredibly guilty for having intruded on what should have remained Magnus's own private thoughts. And he knew, deep in his being, that Prowl was not ready . . . neither for the reality of any kind of romantic relationship nor for the impending power of Ultra Magnus's feelings.   
And that was going to be a problem. Prime knew his brother quite well, even without the forced fusion. As much as Ultra Magnus projected an aura of cold uncaring, he was a mechanism of strong emotions. His anger burned hotly, crying out for vengeance and the Matrix so strongly that Magnus was willing to kill his own brother to get what he wanted. Optimus knew full well that his brother's quest for the Matrix was the first time the powerful warrior had ever failed to persue a goal with the whole of his being . . . and the first time he had failed to acquire that which he desired.   
_Prowl is a good soldier, but he's not ready for what Magnus wants, for what Magnus would offer. And I'm not sure how long I can keep Magnus at bay. Easy enough now, while he still doubts his own feelings. But sooner or later those doubts will be erased._   
The cheerful ring of the door chime interrupted Optimus's thoughts. His meditative pacing had brought him back to his desk once more. Resuming his seat, he called out to his visitor: "Come."   
"Hope I'm not disturbin' ya, Optimus."   
"No, it's quite all right, X-Brawn," Optimus replied evenly. "What can I do for you?"   
"Well, I was kinda hopin' you could straighten out somethin' for me," the eldest Autobot brother confessed. He then promptly lapsed into silence, picking up the crystal paperweight from Optimus's desk. He toyed with it absently, as if he had never seen it's like before.   
"This new?"   
"A gift from Koji shortly after Ultra Magnus arrived from Cybertron, though I don't pretend to know where he found it or how he managed to afford it. But the paperweight isn't what brought you here."   
"No . . . no it isn't. See, I've been hearing rumors over the last couple days. Rumors that maybe things aren't exactly copacetic with Ultra Magnus. Now I know he's your brother an' all, but I gotta admit, it's a little worryin' ta hear the guys talking about him hanging around Medical while my little bro was injured."   
"You should know better than to trust rumor, X-Brawn."   
"I know, I know. But I also know I can trust my baby brother to tell me the truth. And I believe him when he says Magnus was in an all-fired hurry to get us back to base. Not that I'm not grateful, mind, but when Sideburn tells me he saw Magnus at Medical right after gettin' me settled back in our quarters, well. . . ."   
X-Brawn looked back down at the crystal in his hands. Optimus watched him a moment before reaching across the desk to quietly liberate the peice of worked crystal. X-Brawn's face was impossible to read, but something in his optics told Optimus that he was worried he was coming to the right conclusions.   
"Magnus has a very finely tuned sense of guilt, believe it or not. And while I doubt he will ever admit it to you, I wouldn't be surprised if he blames himself for Prowl's injuries.   
"As for any other rumors . . . what my brother may or may not feel for anyone here at headquarters is hardly my business. Or anyone else's, for that matter."   
"In other words, there's a grain of truth in all that muck about him and my brother."   
"_In other words_, while I know what's going on inside my brother's head, I'm not about to air his secrets. They are his to share or keep as he so chooses."   
"You know I'd agree with ya, but Prowl. . . ."   
"Prowl's old enough to make his own decisions, X-Brawn. Have a little faith in your brother. And in me."   
X-Brawn studied Optimus in silence for a moment before slowly nodding.   
"A'course. Well, I won't take any more of your time," he drawled, quietly leaving the office. Optimus studied the door long after X-Brawn was gone. Despite what he had said to the Autobot Brother, a part of him wanted to tell X-Brawn the truth.   
_Listen to your own advice_, he scolded himself. _Have faith in your brother. He knows not to push. He'll walk easy with Prowl. I hope._   
  


* * * * * 

  
Prowl had been out of Medical for almost a week when it happened.   
"I can't believe it! I saw it with my own optics, and I _still_ can't believe it!"   
"Prowl? Hey now, little bro, settle down an' tell me what happened."   
"I have seen him do a lot of insane, reckless, thoughtless, cruel, and vindictive things, but this . . . this is the last straw! The absolute last straw!"   
"Prowl, will ya calm down a minute and tell me what happened?"   
"What happened? What happened?!? I'm going to kill him this time, I swear to Primus, I am going to _kill him_!"   
"Prowl! Stick it in neutral an' tell me what happened!"   
"You wanna know what happened, X-Brawn? Ultra Magnus happened! He happened all over downtown, _that's_ what happened! That . . . that . . . that Mech is a raving _lunatic_, _that's_ what happened!"   
Prowl paced the generous quarters he shared with his two brothers, obviously agitated. X-Brawn was a little surprised he hadn't started throwing things. Particularly since that was what had happened the last five times Ultra Magnus had done something to upset Prowl.   
"Why don't ya start at the top, okay, little brother?"   
"You mean you haven't heard? How can you not have heard? By the Matrix, X-Brawn! People _died_ today! Innocent humans! People who's only wrong was to be in the wrong place at the wrong time! If you don't even know about that, then there's no point in even trying!"   
Prowl stormed out of the apartment, anger swirling around him in a dark cloud. X-Brawn was trying to call after him, to make him stop, but Prowl was beyond caring. He didn't want to talk, he wanted to break something. Preferably Ultra Magnus's head, though a good wall would suffice.   
"Prowl! Prowl, calm down! Build Team has enough work to do without going around behind you, mending walls."   
Prowl looked up, surprised to see Railspike frowning down at him.   
"Calm down? Why should I calm down? Innocent lives were lost today in a totally senseless act!"   
"Collateral damage isn't new, Prowl."   
"How can you be so callous? Humans _died_ today!"   
"They've died before. They will die again. I take no pleasure in it, but there isn't much I can do about it, except try to limit that loss."   
Prowl gave in to a wordless growl, then stalked away from the larger bullet train. He was just about to enter the simulation room when Optimus caught him.   
"Prowl, my office, now."   
"Optim--"   
"I said now, Prowl."   
The Voice That Must Be Obeyed. Prowl knew it well, felt his feet carrying him towards Optimus Prime's office even before he could think about what he was doing. But far more disturbing, his body betrayed his will, his feet continuing to carry him into the office even after he caught sight of Ultra Magnus.   
"Optimus," he started, set to protest.   
"No. This nonsense has gone on long enough. Settle it."   
Before either of them could protest, Optimus stalked out of the room.   
"Well this is another fine thing you've gotten us into," Ultra Magnus grumbled darkly.   
"That I've. . . !!"   
Words failed Prowl at that point, his anger leaving him incoherent. That this renegade, this _lunatic_, could blame their situation on _him_ . . . he didn't even know where to start.   
  


* * * * * 

  
"So are you going to tell me why you have it out for me? Or am I supposed to guess?"   
"As if you don't know," Prowl hissed. "As if you weren't there. As if you aren't responsible."   
"Don't tell me all this rampaging on your part is because of a little collateral damage?"   
"A little collateral damage?!?!?! You utterly insensitive, raging maniac! How dare you call yourself an Autobot! You're no better than the Decepticons!"   
"I would not say such things if I were you," Magnus rumbled.   
"It doesn't even bother you that people died today, does it? You emotionless bastard."   
"Why are you doing this, Prowl? Am I really such a heinous person?"   
"Innocent people _died_ today, don't you get that?"   
"This isn't the first time, Prowl. I don't remember you busting REV's tailpipe when he got caught in that thirty-car pile up; ten people died in that mess. And when Midnight was ambushed and derailed by Slapper, it was all you could do not to hug the crybaby."   
"Those are completely different. Those were accidents."   
"You certainly didn't give Rapid Run any grief over the car that tried to beat him across the tracks. You and I both know transformation could have prevented that."   
"Optimus investigated the whole thing and declared it an accident," Prowl grumbled moodily. Magnus fought off the urge to shake some sense into the smaller Mech. This was deeper than just some dead humans; he wanted to know why.   
"Then just what is your problem, Prowl?"   
"_My_ problem? Tetsun Mikado will never see his grandson. Avril Setsunna will never graduate from university. Dr. Hikaru Tonaka's family is planning a funeral now instead of a wedding. And they weren't even killed by the Predacons."   
"Damn you, Prowl, stop blowing smoke in my face! This isn't about dead humans and you know it! Just what the _hell_ is your problem with me?"   
"Because _you_ killed them!" Prowl shouted back hotly. As soon as the words were out, Prowl turned away from Magnus, every line of his body collapsing in on itself in raw and vulnerable anguish. An anguish far greater than the deaths of three unknown humans warranted.   
Ultra Magnus didn't know what to say, an unhappy realization of it's own. A peice of his spark ached to comfort Prowl, to hold him close and soothe his hurts. To shield the young warrior from whatever terrors crept through his thoughts. For a moment, protective instincts he thought he had long since learned to live without swirled around him. Then iron control clamped back into place.   
"Prowl, I. . . ."   
"Don't. Don't hand me platitudes you don't mean."   
"I wasn't going to," Magnus rumbled, annoyed in spite of himself. "I just want to know why . . . why you're being this way. Why these deaths mean anything more than any of the others before."   
Magnus waited, watching Prowl in silence, but the other Autobot said nothing, kept his back turned to him. A faint tremor shook through Prowl, betrayed by the faint rattling of his doors. Concern overriding his caution, he reached out to touch Prowl's back lightly. The young warrior flinched, his whole frame rattling with the motion as he collapsed even further onto himself.   
"Prowl . . . please. . . ."   
He could feel another tremor shake through the middle Autobot Brother, then a sigh welled up, seemingly from the very depths of Prowl's spark. Casting aside his cautions, Magnus stepped closer, lightly resting his hands on Prowl's shoulder-mounts. Another flinch, but not enough to actually pull his radar housings out from under Magnus's hands.   
"Dead . . . for nothing. . . ."   
"Prowl. . . ."   
"Dead . . . and you killed them. . . ."   
This time it was Ultra Magnus's turn to flinch, though he fought against it. He knew it was shear luck he hadn't killed someone before, as many times as the Predacons had either ambushed him in or planned a strike on heavily populated areas. Not that he cared if humans were killed, so long as Megatron was stopped. But it mattered to his brother. And obviously it mattered to Prowl as well.   
He was so involved in his own musings that he didn't notice Prowl pulling away from him. Nor did he immediately notice the other Autobot had turned around to stare up at him with deeply troubled optics. It was, in fact, more the hitch in the other's voice that captured Magnus's attention.   
"I . . . I c-can't do this. Not . . . not again."   
"Can't do what?"   
"I . . . please, don't . . . just . . . go home," Prowl whimpered, pleading. Ultra Magnus frowned down at him, studying him closely. As much as the faceplate obscured his face, making it difficult to read easily, Magnus could still pick out the signs of turmoil. Tiny signals that nipped at Magnus's resolve, testing his commitment to caution for weaknesses.   
_Slowly_, he reminded himself, urgently trying to silence the howling voice that prodded at him, cajoling and begging him to forget caution. A voice that counseled immediate and decisive action . . . and that was getting harder and harder to ignore.   
"Don't you see?" Prowl whimpered. "You killed them. Not REV, not Midnight, _you_. And I . . . I can't do this again."   
"Do you have any idea how infuriating you are when you're being obscure?" Magnus queried gently, surprised when Prowl flinched again, looking down at his hands.   
"You killed them and you don't even care. A cold, calculating, murderer."   
Prowl's frame rattled as another tremor shook through him. _So close, so tantalizingly close. And he hates me with every diode in his body._   
"I . . . I wanted to hate you. I still want to hate you. I've tried . . . Primus, I've tried so _hard_ to hate you. And then I couldn't hate you. And then I thought maybe . . . maybe I could . . . could l-l-luh. . . ."   
He trailed off with a rasping noise, his optics firmly focused on the deck plates. He coughed once, then spoke in a rush of words: "And then you killed those people and you didn't even care enough to find out who they were. You didn't even try to clean up your mess. You fight and then you walk away, and to the pit with any consequences to anyone else. Like nothing else matters, as long as you win the fight. Only real life doesn't work that way. There _are_ consequences to everything you do and sometimes they're messy, but that's life and you deal with it. And when you kill someone, you ought to have the grace to at least admit that you're the one responsible."   
"I know there are consequences, Prowl," Magnus murmured, surprised at the lack of anger he felt, despite Prowl's accusations. "Believe it or not, I've been weighing those consequences more than you think."   
_He doesn't hate me_. That thought alone was almost enough to break his restraint. The knowledge that his own feelings were not in vain, that there was even a _chance_ Prowl could love him. . . .   
"I can't l-l-luh . . . a killer."   
"Prowl, Prowl, Prowl," Magnus crooned, all doubt - and all restraint - melting away as one hand reached down to cup Prowl's chin, "you can't have life without death. They're two sides of the same coin.   
"If you can hate me, even a little," he continued, his thumb rubbing against Prowl's faceplate, "then you have it in you to love, as well. And if I have to court you madly to prove it, then so be it. But somehow, I suspect I won't need to go that far."   
A shudder shook through the smaller warrior, a deep rattling that Magnus both heard and felt. A rasping sigh dragged itself out of the samurai as his head drooped forward even further.   
"How can you? After everything I've done, how can you?"   
"You have a real problem with that word, don't you?" he replied, chuckling softly as he lifted Prowl's chin.   
"This isn't a laughing matter," Prowl grumbled back at him. And yet, despite his tone, he made no move to free himself from Ultra Magnus's grasp.   
"No? Well, perhaps not," he conceded, his right hand sliding along Prowl's left shoulder. He could almost feel a current passing through them, tingling over his metallic skin. Prowl shuddered again, a strangled sound escaping him. Smiling, he let his hand slip down along the underside of the radar housing, to be rewarded with another strangled sound, almost a whimper.   
"Not . . . fair," Prowl panted.   
"Then maybe you should do something about it," Magnus challenged. Prowl responded by stepping back, pulling free from Magnus, but not quite out of reach.   
"I . . . I can't. . . ."   
"Can't? Or won't?"   
"I can't. . . . I won't. . . ."   
"Scared. Funny, never pegged you as a robochicken. Guess I was wrong."   
Magnus turned his back on Prowl, pretending to be absorbed in studying Optimus's desk. It was a ruse, of course; he had no intension of giving up on Prowl so easily. He watched the interceptor from the corner of his optical range, watched the turmoil that telegraphed itself all over his body. Watched and silently prayed to Primus that he wasn't wasting time.   
"Ultra Magnus, I. . . ."   
Again, Prowl trailed off, but this time he almost looked like someone who didn't trust himself not to say the wrong thing. He started to turn away, stopped, started to walk towards Magnus, stopped again, and then just stood in place, staring at his hands as if they held the answer.   
_By Primus, I've had it!_ Magnus vowed vehemently. Ignoring the startled protest, Ultra Magnus grabbed Prowl around the waist, lifted him bodily into the air, and sat him down again on Optimus's desk.   
"Enough of this mincing words, slag it. If you didn't feel anything, you wouldn't even be here right now. I've played your game long enough, Prowl. And I'm tired of it."   
Ultra Magnus reached up to trail fingertips along the underside of the radar housings. Prowl's optics flickered as another strangled whimper forced it's way out of him. . . .   
  
  
_A low rumbling chuckle cascaded around me, a warm sound I had never heard from him before. Laughter, yes, but not like this. This carried with it a tingle that somehow reached into my very core. And his touch . . . I had never realized how sensitive one could be to touch. I had certainly never considered those treacherous housings. Nor had I thought his touch could be like this, like a cool fire that burned more in its absence than in its presence.   
'Shouldn't be doing this,' a fragment of my awareness scolded. I was tempted to agree; I didn't want to be hurt again. I had loved before, a killer in more ways than one. I didn't dare love again. And yet. . . .   
And yet, inspite of my better intentions, my own core had betrayed me. I had tried to hate Ultra Magnus, to dump on him all the worst possible motives for his actions. Somehow, the harder I tried, the less success I had. So I faked it, fooling everyone, even myself sometimes, while deep inside this love grew against my will.   
And now his hands - such powerful hands - were methodically exploring every centimeter of my outer plating. I fought against a moan and lost as he found places I had forgotten completely. Soft clicks distracted me a moment, and then the hidden seals that bonded the shield to my right arm disengaged.   
"No sense in keeping that around," he crooned, his mouth tantalizingly close. Forcing myself to concentrate, an increasingly difficult task as his hands continued their teasing explorations of my body, I mentally released the seals on the faceplate I had worn faithfully and almost continuously for . . . I couldn't even remember how long. I smiled at the shocked expression on his face as I pulled away the faceplate, carefully setting it on the far side of the desk.   
"Any more surprises?"   
"You'll have to wait and see," I murmured, daring to cup his angular face in my own hands. An amused smile turned his lips a moment, inviting and challenging at the same time. For a moment I tried to resist that taunting smile. Then I realized how senseless it was to even try. That I had no _reason_ to try. He was here, and he was mine. I threw my caution to the wind, leaning forward to kiss him.   
Electric fire coursed through my systems. He pulled me closer, the sound of my doors scrapping across the surface of the desk loud in my audios. But I couldn't make myself care about something as mundane as scratched furniture. The feel of his hands as they slowly worked up my body . . . the way his mouth nipped at mine . . . a ragged moan forced itself out of me. My optics dimmed fractionally, as if that alone could counter the overwhelming sensations my processors were receiving.   
'Please Primus,' I begged silently, 'please don't let this moment end. Let me live in this moment forever. This perfect moment.'   
Energy flickered through me, tingling and teasing with the promise of stamina and strength. Power surged through me, familiar as it swept through my systems. At first, I couldn't believe what I was sensing: I had powered-up without my conscious control. But the readings were very real.   
"How. . . .?" I mumbled, catching Magnus off guard. He pulled back, clearly surprised by what he was seeing. Not that I blamed him.   
"Don't know," he rumbled, surprised. "Does it matter?"   
"No," I conceded, trailing a hand up his right arm as it circled around me. He captured my hand easily, a knowing smile touching his lips. Slowly, he raised my hand to his lips, kissing the fingertips. Surprise washed through me at this sensation, a gesture at once natural and unbelievably gentle. He nipped at the less sensitive palm, sending a shiver through me.   
"Problem?" he murmured, his optics sparkling golden over the tips of my fingers. I could only shake my head, words failing me. I had never imagined that he could have this gentle side to him and I caught myself marveling at this discovery as he kissed my palm again. My other hand came up to hang between us, unable to reach out and touch him despite my desire to do so.   
I was afraid, there was no other way to say it. Afraid of the feelings that lurked under the surface of my thoughts. Feelings that railed against my denials. A part of me, a very strong part, longed to to touch him, to hold him and be held by him. But stronger still was the fear. The fear of being hurt again. I had let passion rule me before and it had nearly cost me everything. I dared not take that risk again, for I feared this time there would be nothing left of me.   
My thoughts shattered as teasing fingers stroked the underside of my left radar housing.   
"Bastard," I whimpered hotly.   
"You love it and you know it," he replied in a fierce undertone, his arm still tight across my back. His hands worked an odd sort of magic, relaxing and yet tensing my body at the same time. A choked whimper pushed out of my vocoder as I hunched forward, my head sinking down to rest on his chest. Deep shudders rattled through my frame, the power from the Matrix leaving me as suddenly as it had come.   
"'m sorry," I murmured, frustration with myself welling up from deep within me. "Primus, 'm sorry, Magnus."   
"Shhh. You've got nothing to be sorry over, Prowl," he replied, brushing light kisses along the top of my head. A heavy sigh rattled and caught, the usually steady in-out rhythm of my air vents hitching and shaky. His arms folded around me protectively and I willingly relaxed into his embrace, until only his arms kept me upright.   
Time passed without meaning as I basked in the safety of his embrace. Slowly, painfully so, the rattle vanished from my air vents, the tensions of the day flowing out of me with a quiet sigh. I felt more than heard his amused chuckle as he lightly kissed the top of my head again.   
"Mmm . . . we should give back Optimus's office," I murmured without any real desire.   
"We will," he replied quietly, rhythmically stroking the back of my head, "when you're ready."   
"Mmmm . . . keep that up, and you'll never get me to move," I crooned quietly, tilting my head slightly to smile up at him.   
"If that's supposed to be a threat, it doesn't work," he teased, kissing the top of my head yet again. I smiled, but couldn't summon the power to do anything more than lean against him, letting him do as he willed. He tilted my chin up slightly, then kissed me with an intensity that froze me in place. Such raw lust, such raw desire . . . my mind couldn't handle the assault. I wilted with a ragged moan.   
"Magnus. . . ."   
"Enough talk," he whispered, his voice ragged, almost harsh with desire. He nipped at my lips, as if determined to summon an equal desire in me.   
"Optimus. . . ."   
"Isn't coming back," he growled. "Stop fighting me, Prowl. You know you don't really want to resist."   
I whimpered, caught up in an inner battle between caution and desire. His hands held me close while exploring my body intimately, caressing under the radar housings, along the inside of my left leg, peppering light kisses along my cheek. I pulled back, flinching as his arm cleared the desk with the clang of metal on metal and the sharper sound of glass shattering.   
"Wha--?"   
"Shut up, Prowl, and enjoy yourself for a change," he grumbled, pining me back against the desk.   
I didn't know what to think, didn't know what to feel. Shock rooted me in place as much as Ultra Magnus's superior strength. He was holding me down, refusing to let me resist . . . and I craved it. I craved that loss of control, that utter powerlessness that our current position only brushed against. I craved the chance to surrender completely . . . to surrender to my lover's whims. I desperately wanted Magnus to be the one. And feared to Primus to actually follow through with these dark desires.   
Because that surrendering was what had nearly cost me everything before. Tears of cleanser formed, anxious to spill down my cheeks and betray me. I wanted Magnus, longed for him . . . and feared him. Frustration crested within me; I wanted to give myself over to all the pleasures he could give me and yet I was deathly afraid to let myself cross that line.   
My whole body rattled as I shivered from the depths of my core. I coud feel the lines of treacherous cleansing fluid streaking down my cheeks from the corners of my optics. The harder I tried to make them stop, the more my body refused to obey me. Even my own vocoder betrayed me.   
"Please. . . ."   
And then he was pulling me up into his arms again, whispering apologies, begging for my forgiveness. I tried to speak, to make him understand that he needn't apologize, but it was as though my body was not my own. All I could do was rest my head on his shoulder, waiting to regain command of my own body.   
"Prowl, I'm sorry. Please . . . say something. . . ."   
"It's . . . it's not your fault," I murmured, tilting my head up briefly before continuing. "I . . . I want to, Magnus. Oh Primus, I want to . . . I just . . . can't."   
I sighed, a despair welling up from the deepest, darkest corners of my being. Would he understand? Or would he think I was just stringing him along? I switched off my optics, afraid to face him. Afraid to face his disappointment . . . or worse.   
"Fear is a cruel master," he murmured, his hand turning my head back towards him. I felt more than heard a brief snort, and then he kissed me. My optics snapped online, a fresh wave of shock rippling through me.   
"I'm not giving up on you so easily, Prowl."   
"You'll . . . you'll wait?"   
"Patience has never been my forte. But . . . if I must, I will try."   
I smiled, kissing him impulsively. I felt the first faint stirrings of desire as his lips steadily devoured mine.   
The crystal tones of the door chime shattered the moment. I scrambled for my facemask, guilt welling up as I found it amidst fragments of crystal. 'Optimus will not be impressed,' I thought suddenly, hurrying to appear completely normal. Ultra Magnus, on the other hand, looked fit to be tied. I pitied whoever was at the door.   
  


* * * * * 

  
"You __bastard_!"   
Ultra Magnus was well familiar with over a dozen different flavors of fury. Blind fury, righteous fury, jealous fury, the fury evoked by betrayal. But this . . . this consuming fury was beyond anything he had experienced before. To have been so close. . . !   
Optimus stood in the door to his office, managing to look like an intruder despite the fact that it was _his_ office. Prowl, for his part, was slowly edging away from the desk, trying to look innocent of any wrong-doing.   
"This is _my_ office," Optimus declared, regaining his sense of righteous outrage, walking in to let the doors close behind him. "I let you use it to get you two to talk. Talking does not include thrashing my desk. If you two are still set on destroying things, then use a sim room. Now go on, get going."   
Magnus growled at his brother, intent on verbally raking him over the coals, when he noticed Prowl was no longer in the room. _Why can't things ever be easy?_ he thought to himself darkly.   
"You _knew_ why I wanted to talk to him. You _knew_ what was going to happen."   
"I knew what you _wanted_ to have happen, Brother. That is hardly the same. And more importantly, you know as well as I do that _that_ sort of behavior belongs in personal quarters, _not_ my office.   
"Now go," Optimus continued, his tone softening, "before his brothers get ahold of him."   
He snorted, but left all the same. Tracking Prowl was easy, but his luck was not in; Prowl was already with Sideburn. And from the look of things, now was not the time to be joining them, under any pretext. Frustration threatening to get the better of him, Magnus retreated to his quarters.   
_All right, Prowl, I said I would wait, and I meant it. I don't discourage easy. You _will_ be mine._   
A smile touched his lips as he remembered the feel of Prowl in his arms, the completeness of that moment. There had been something so . . . so _right_ about the way Prowl felt in his arms. And now . . . now he could feel something missing. He hadn't ever noticed it before, but now that he had a taste of complete happiness with Prowl, he felt somehow less without him.   
_Someday, my love. Someday I will know what fear keeps you from me._


	3. Secrets of the Heart

**On Your Shore**   
  
  
Chapter 3: Secrets of the Heart

  
  
Prowl hurried through the corridors of Autobot Headquarters, eager to put as much space as possible between himself and Optimus Prime's office . . . and Ultra Magnus. He didn't want to think about what had almost happened, so he started reciting police code under his breath as he rushed towards the spacebridge.   
"Prowl?"   
Prowl looked up, skidding to a halt when he saw Sideburn in the hall ahead of him. His younger brother was frowning as they nearly collided.   
"Prowl, what's wrong?"   
"N-nothing. Just need to get out for awhile."   
"Uh-huh. Right, that's why you almost steamrolled me. Come on, Bro, you can tell me."   
"I just need to get out for awhile, that's all."   
"Does this have anything to do with Ultra Magnus?"   
"No! I mean, yes, maybe. Look, will you stand aside?"   
"Prowl. . . ."   
"I'm fine, Sideburn."   
"Then why is he following you?"   
"I don't know what you're talking about," he mumbled, looking past Sideburn to the spacebridge entrance beyond him. He could tell his brother was worried about him, but at that moment, he didn't care. He just wanted to get out of headquarters and find a quiet place to think.   
"I think you do know. In fact, I _know_ you know. So go on, run and hide. But I'm gonna talk to X-Brawn and we're gonna find out what's going on."   
"There's nothing going on."   
"Yeah, well, we'll see about that," Sideburn muttered, stepping out of the way. Prowl wanted to make Sideburn drop this, but he knew the harder he tried, the more stubborn his little brother would become. So instead he said nothing, stalking over to the spacebridge in purposeful silence.   
_"Where would you like to go today, Prowl?"_ T-AI chirruped cheerfully.   
"Somewhere far away from everything."   
_"Spacebridge activated. Enter when ready."_   
With a partially suppressed snort, Prowl transformed and drove onto the spacebridge. He muttered police procedures all the way to the Yukon, muttered legal precedents while he searched for a suitable brooding spot, and then systematically muttered himself into shut-down.   
  


* * * * * 

  
Sideburn paced the quarters he shared with his brothers, waiting with less than perfect patience for X-Brawn to return from his patrol. He didn't care _what_ Prowl said, something was going on . . . something that involved Ultra Magnus. That right there was enough to make him worry. Ultra Magnus was bad news, no two ways about it.   
"T-AI, where's X-Brawn now?"   
_"Sideburn, please stop pacing. You'll only wear a hole in the deck plates. X-Brawn is entering the global spacebridge network now."_   
"Thank the Matrix."   
_"I don't understand. Why, if you're so eager to talk to him, didn't you want me calling him?"_   
"Chalk it up to paranoia."   
_"But. . . ."_   
"If I called X-Brawn, he'd dismiss it without giving me a chance to talk. Face to face, I might actually be able to get him to listen to me."   
He was pacing again by the time X-Brawn walked into the room.   
"Well now, this is new. So . . . what's gotcha riled, little bro?"   
"I'm not riled . . . yet," Sideburn mumbled. "But something's going on with Prowl. I don't know what, but I'm pretty sure Ultra Magnus is involved."   
"What makes you say that?" X-Brawn asked cautiously, crossing the room with muddy footsteps.   
"Ugh. Where've you been patrolling, the bayou?"   
"Got caught in a monsoon in southern Thailand. It's just mud, you know. Not like you're gonna melt if it touches you."   
"But you're making a mess!" Sideburn whined.   
"You sound like Prowl," X-Brawn teased as he opened their shower alcove. "I'm cleanin' off, don't worry little bro. I'll even scrub the deck plates if you're that worried about it."   
"Yeah, well . . . so don't you even care about what I said?" Sideburn asked, raising his voice to be heard over the running water.   
"What, about Prowl and Magnus? Ya still haven't said more'n that you think somethin's goin on. And hand me the scrub brush, wouldja?"   
"What? Honestly . . . I can't believe we're doing this," Sideburn grumbled. "Where'd you put it anyway?"   
"_I_ didn't. And you're the one who's in an all fired hurry to have this conversation. Gimme ten minutes and we can talk about whatever you want."   
"Well if you're gonna be that way about it, then close the door!" Sideburn retorted.   
An amused chuckle echoed out of the shower alcove for a few moments, and then the water switched off. Sideburn waited, trying to be patient with his brother. Unfortunately, it wasn't working.   
"All right, little brother, what's the burr under your saddle this time?"   
"What? No, nevermind, I don't care. For the tenth time, something's going on with Prowl and Magnus is involved somehow and I don't like it."   
"Do you even know what's going on?"   
"No and Prowl tried denying it, but I know better."   
"Maybe you should start from the beginning."   
Sideburn sighed heavily, resisting the urge to throttle his brother. He wanted X-Brawn's help, but he was being so infuriatingly _thick_!   
"I was walking past the entry to the space bridge when Prowl almost ran over me. I was worried, cuz he's not like that, but he said there was nothing going on and he just wanted to get out of the base awhile. I looked up and Ultra Magnus was standing at the other end of the hall, like he'd been following Prowl or something. He gave me a glare like I was the most vile thing on the planet, then turned and walked away. Then Prowl walks past me and leaves the base for who knows where. Something's not right."   
"Did he say anything while he was leaving?"   
"Nah, but you know how he gets. Starts muttering police code and procedure until you smack him or something. He'd made it pretty clear he wasn't going to tell me what was going on, so I let him go."   
"Well, if it makes ya feel any better, little brother, I'll look into it, okay? Now you better get goin' or you're gonna be late for your patrol shift."   
"Then you do think there's something going on?"   
"Well, I don't rightly know. But I aim t'find out, okay? Now go on, git."   
Relieved that something was finally getting accomplished, Sideburn hurried out of the apartment. He _did_ have a patrol shift in two minutes, and Railspike wouldn't be happy if he missed their rendevous, no matter what excuse he tried to offer.   
  


* * * * * 

  
X-Brawn mulled over his brother's words for a moment. Maybe it was nothing, but he could still clearly recall the way Optimus Prime had reacted to his questions the week before. And he knew what Sideburn didn't: Prowl obsessed over police procedures the most when his confidence was at it's lowest. And if Ultra Magnus _was_ involved. . . .   
"T-AI, where's Ultra Magnus?"   
_"I don't know, X-Brawn. Would you like me to put a call through?"_   
"What? Whaddya mean ya don't know? T-AI, where's Magnus?"   
_"I told you, I don't know. He's not in the base. When that happens I can call him, but I can't track him until I have an active commline."_   
"What about his Autobot transponder?"   
_"Deactivated before he got here, I suppose. I don't know, only that it's never worked. Now, do you want me to call him or are you going to keep asking stupid questions?"_   
"Call him," X-Brawn grumbled.   
_"Whatever you want, X-Brawn, I'm busy."_   
"You ain't that busy. What I want is to talk."   
_"We've got nothing to talk about."_   
"On the contrary, you an' me got plenty to talk about. Like why you just happened to be followin' Prowl around. Or maybe you'd like it better if I involved Prime?"   
_"Meet me at the CN tower in thirty minutes."_   
The connection died before X-Brawn could even acknowledge. _Sometimes I think that boy just ain't right in the head_, he thought sourly. He gave the floor a quick swipe with a mop before heading out. No sense in leaving a mess, especially since neither brother was likely to appreciate caked mud. If Prowl returned anytime soon. X-Brawn worried that, whatever his brother's reasons for relapsing, they would keep him away longer than just a few hours.   
  


* * * * * 

  
The CN tower ruled the Toronto skyline . . . and very few people even cared. X-Brawn was not particularly impressed either as he sat waiting for Ultra Magnus to arrive.   
_Of all the places on Earth to meet, why here? Why not just come back to base? And just what _is_ happening between him and Prowl?_   
v"Top deck, and you better have clean flaps," the tenor growl of Ultra Magnus's voice declared, cutting through X-Brawn's internal monologue. With a sharp snort, he rolled up to the top deck, a flash of worry stealing through him as the restraining clamps locked down on his rims. It wasn't that he didn't trust Magnus . . . well, okay, so it _was_ because he didn't trust the rogue warrior. Ultra Magnus had proven himself a strong ally on the battlefield, but the rest of the time . . . well, X-Brawn was never entirely sure where he stood with him.   
They drove steadily out of the city, heading north-northwest as much as possible. He noted their course with curiosity, but didn't know quite what to think of it. _He_ knew Prowl was burrowed away somewhere in the Yukon territory, but there was no way _Ultra Magnus_ could know that. At least, he didn't think there was. . . .   
"How far you plannin' on drivin' me? And why meet at the tower at all?"   
"I needed a quick landmark. And we're almost there."   
True to his word, just beyond the outer limits of Toronto, Ultra Magnus came to a stop and unlocked the restraints. Careful to check that the rear doors were down before moving, X-Brawn rolled down onto the ground, then transformed. A moment later, Ultra Magnus was doing the same, glowering down at him when his transformation was complete.   
"All right, I'm here, you're here. Talk."   
"Prowl's relapsed, an' even though he don't know that's what's happened, Sideburn's convinced you're responsible. I wanna hear your side of things."   
"_That's_ what you dragged me out here for? And here I thought you had something _important_ to say to me."   
"I know Prowl was in a serious funk over those deaths you caused. If I hadn't been sent out to finish out Crosswise's patrol, I would've gone after him when he stormed out on me. But as bad as he was, he was still in control. Now somethin's happened and he's out somewhere, vulnerable and emotionally cracked again. I swore the last time, I wasn't gonna let nobody hurt my little brother like that again. So you better fess up 'fore I get _real_ angry."   
"I don't have to answer to _you_," Ultra Magnus growled back darkly. "If he's as bad as you say, why are you wasting time here?"   
"Because, ya ornery cuss, I cain't help if'n I don't know what's happened! Now, I've asked ya nicely and I ain't gonna ask so nice again. What didja say ta my brother?!"   
"I told him the truth, not that it's any of your business."   
"And what truth is that? That ya don't care how many humans die so long as the enemy suffers? Or maybe ya told him how many times ya've killed the enemy. Or maybe ya told him he was a loser an' a fool for bein' all worked up over just some humans, that it?"   
"I'm not having this conversation with you," Magnus spat, turning away from him.   
"You haven't got a clue, do you? And you call us clueless. You're just lucky Sideburn's just as clueless or you'd be facin' both a' us! You just stay away from my brother, ya hear me?"   
"Now you listen to _me_," Magnus hissed, spinning around and lifting X-Brawn off his feet in one fluid motion, "no one but _no one_ tells me who to see and where to spend my time. Not Optimus and _certainly_ not you, you pathetic little punk. I go _where_ I want, I see _who_ I want, and I do _what_ I want. And if you don't like that, then that's _your_ malfunction. Now get outta my sight before I forget you're Prowl's brother."   
X-Brawn was seriously shaken as the powerful warrior dropped him like a sack of loose bolts. The pure fury on Ultra Magnus's face . . . he had seen it before, but never directed at _him_.   
_Was I wrong? Was Optimus wrong? Could there be some truth to those slagging rumors? Prime never did deny it. Would explain why he's being this way._   
"I said get out of here!" Magnus roared, drawing his formidable canon. X-Brawn didn't have to be told a third time. Transforming rapidly, he sped off, back towards the heart of the city. He had a lot on his mind.   
  


* * * * * 

  
Ultra Magnus stared at the Toronto skyline without actually seeing it. After an hour of pacing, unable to shake the sense that he had made a mistake by letting Prowl go, he had asked T-AI for Prowl's location. Convincing her not to admit to helping him had been quite a bit harder, but in the end she had agreed to honor his privacy.   
_Of course she lied to me. No, not lied. She admitted that she wasn't telling me his actual location. Just a starting point. But this city has nothing to do with Prowl. It isn't even _near_ the Yukon._   
Of course he had spent another three hours in Toronto before he had gleaned _that_ particular scrap of information. He had the coordinates now, but X-Brawn's threats still echoed through his thoughts. He wasn't sure why; it wasn't like the pathetic weakling actually posed a threat to him. At the same time, he didn't want to have to fight X-Brawn if he could avoid it.   
_Stop dinking around_, he groused to himself. _It'll be dark soon. Prowl doesn't know anything about roughing it on this world. He'll get himself into trouble if I don't find him soon._   
Settled on a course of action, Ultra Magnus transformed and accessed the global spacebridge. Sol's yellow disk was already low in the sky when he found Prowl huddled beneath a rock outcropping, powered down in recharge mode. Something about Prowl's posture reminded him of a terrified civilian caught in a shelling. He transformed briefly, carefully rearranging Prowl's huddled form before resuming vehicle mode and drawing his beloved onto his trailer.   
Opening the spacebridge once more, Magnus considered returning to base, then decided against it. Prowl had left headquarters for a reason; he would undoubtedly be upset to find he had been returned there against his will. Fortunately, he still kept up an old retreat, a cavern carved out of the side of a cliff by centuries of weathering winds and waves. It was primitive by any standards, though less so than it had been, now that he had access to supplies. The soothing hum of the portable generator was almost enough to make him smile as he off-loaded his precious cargo.   
Surprisingly, Prowl never roused from his slumber, despite being jostled about repeatedly. Power briefly flitted through dull yellow-gold optics when Magnus settled the younger warrior on the rough pallet that served as a bed, but that was all. He lingered a moment, watching to be sure Prowl was soundly asleep before exiting the cavern.   
The beach was theoretically public property, but this far north, few people cared to come here. Not at this time of year. Ultra Magnus watched the sky paint itself in hues of orange and purple, Earth's fiery primary growing steadily oranger as it sank towards the watery horizon. He would never confess to this place, and if asked, he would deny it, but he rather enjoyed this particular retreat. He rarely came here, though the spacebridge made it much easier than it had been before. But between the Predacons and Optimus's band of pathetic losers. . . .   
_No, not losers. Incompetants sometimes. Half of them are little more than kids. Optimus must've had a short in his logic subroutines when he picked out his crew. No wonder they have such a hard time without me around. If Scourge wasn't such an incompetent himself, the Decepticons might actually be a serious threat._   
The Terran star was an angry red semi-circle on the ocean horizon when Prowl's quiet tenor interrupted his thoughts.   
"Magnus . . . where are we and why did you bring me here?"   
"Didn't think you'd be waking up so soon," Ultra Magnus replied, still facing out across the water with his arms crossed over his chest. He could sense Prowl walking up behind him, could feel his body tensing as the distance between them shrank to almost nothing. For a fraction of a millisecond, Magnus though Prowl might actually touch him, but the instant passed. Prowl stood beside him, his arms loosely wrapped around his waist, as if he was trying to shield himself from the world.   
"So where are we?"   
"I don't know what the humans call this place, but that's the Atlantic out there. I brought you here because none of you idiots have any idea what it's like to live rough on this planet. I knew your brothers wouldn't think to look after you, and I was right. They would have let you stay out all night. Figured you weren't ready to go back to base, so . . . here we are."   
"Why do you do that?" Prowl asked quietly.   
"Do what?"   
"So nice to know someone who claims to love me thinks I'm an idiot."   
"What would _you_ call someone who runs away from base and doesn't even think to transform to vehicle mode before falling asleep in an unknown wilderness?"   
Prowl said nothing, refusing to meet Magnus's optics, instead focusing his gaze on the sunset. Ultra Magnus fought back the urge to grab the interceptor by his shoulder housings and shake the truth out of him. He _knew_ something was wrong, something coming up from the past. He knew, even if Prowl didn't, that the other warrior needed to talk about it. But he didn't know how to make him confess. And that was frustrating all by itself.   
"Thank you for not taking me back to headquarters," Prowl murmured as the last of the solar disk slipped beneath the horizon. "I needed to sort things out myself. I still have . . . things to sort out. No reason for you to stay here."   
"Except that this is my retreat. Besides, you'd get lost if I wasn't here to take you back whenever it is you're ready."   
"I'd really rather be alone."   
"Tough."   
"What?"   
"You heard me. Tough. Look, you can meditate or whatever you want, use the bed even if you want. I'll stay out here, but I'm not leaving."   
This time it was his turn to avoid Prowl's gaze. He could feel the younger warrior staring up at him, reassessing him while he remained stoically focused on the fading light on the horizon.   
"You're something else, you know that? Fine. Guess I can't make you leave anyway. But don't follow me."   
Magnus turned fractionally, just enough to watch Prowl out of the corner of his visual range. For all that the middle Autobot brother was trying to project an air of confidence, his posture betrayed him. A flare of desire rose within him, quickly metamorphing into a longing to be Prowl's confidant.   
_Patience_, he reminded himself. _Patience. When the time is right, we'll both know it._   
  


* * * * * 

  
Prowl sat cross-legged on what passed for a bed, lost in his own thoughts. . . .   
  
  
_I was drifting back to the mouth of the cavern, but this time it was full day. Breakers crashed with white caps against the rocky finger of a jetty. Birds circled overhead, crying out to each other in raucous voices. A few more squabbled over something that the waves had washed ashore, but otherwise the beach was empty of life.   
"I knew you would come," a frighteningly familiar bass crooned. I spun around sharply, surprised to see Flarestrike standing over me.   
"You belong to me, Prowl. Forever."   
A familiar powerlessness wrapped around me as the marginally larger warrior stepped out of the shadows. Cool blue optics flared briefly, settling to an icy hue that seemed to peirce through me to the very core. His was the grace of a flyer, the narrow body of his transform translating into an almost too thin body. Wings etched with red flames stretched out behind the Seeker's shoulders, an otherwise black backdrop to the red and silver of his main body. He wore the Autobot sigil with pride, stamped on the center of his orange-yellow cockpit. And his smile . . . the way it tugged at the corner of his mouth, as if at some secret joke, made my defenses melt even further. A single black hand reached up to tap my faceplate.   
"No need for that, not between us," he murmured, another partial smile crossing his lips. Unable to do anything but comply with that smooth basso voice, I released the faceplate, letting it fall away with no care for what became of it. I felt myself being drawn closer, felt familiar longing welling up inside of me. A full smile graced his fine features, and a sense of unmeasurable pleasure blossomed within me. I had made him smile. . . ._   
  
  
Prowl was startled from his thoughts by the insistent chiming of equipment. Carefully clearing the fog from the memory that was not a memory, he tracked the chiming to a small console. The Predacons were raiding a power station in India. Prowl felt a twinge of responsibility . . . and then he realized the console was alerting it's rightful owner to an updated log, not a current conflict.   
"This is suspicious activity," Prowl muttered to himself. "I should report this to Optimus Prime right away."   
He started to open a comm channel, then paused. If he contacted headquarters, they would know exactly where he was, might even order him back to base. He wasn't ready to leave yet. But beyond that, he was reluctant to disclose this location to base. It was Ultra Magnus's retreat and, as much as he could be a complete bastard, he had a right to his privacy.   
He stared at the console a moment, then reset the monitor for a silent alarm. It beeped once in acknowledgment, then quieted to a basso thrum. With a half nod to himself, he resettled on the crude bed. Prowl powered down his optics, setting his thoughts adrift once more. . . .   
  
  
_Cybertron. A technological paradise. I stood gazing out across the city, marveling at the way the starlight glittered off the spires of Delatacron, the city lights twinkling in mimicry of the stars above. I had lived here for orn, but only now did I truly see my home city in all it's evening splendor.   
"I knew you would come."   
I turned slowly, smiling when I saw Flarestrike approaching.   
"You're early," he murmured, closing the distance between us with a full smile. Pleasure bloomed within me; 'Strike only truly smiled for me, and even then it was rare.   
"I couldn't resist. The view from here is astounding."   
"Not bad, for the ground," he agreed with his more normal half smile. "But I didn't ask to meet here just to look at the city."   
"You knew I would come," I murmured, "I can't imagine you don't know my answer."   
"Humor an old warrior who likes to hear the words said."   
"Not old," I admonished, flush with embarrassment, "just well seasoned, my love."   
"A polite way of saying 'old'," he replied. For a tense moment, the space between us was both negligible and insurmountable. I ached to feel his hands touching me, and yet I dared not breach the space between us. And then the distance was nothing as he reached out to cup my cheek.   
"You haven't answered my question yet, Prowl."   
"Of course I'll go with you, Flarestrike. How could you even doubt I would? I would go anywhere you asked."   
I turned my head slightly, kissing the palm of his hand. Fingers slid down my flank and the Seeker pulled me closer.   
"I had no doubts," he whispered, holding me so very close, "I just wanted to hear you say it. Needed to hear you say the words."   
"I would do anything you wanted," I murmured. "Forever."_   
  
  
Prowl was jolted back to reality by a loud crash of thunder. For an instant - just long enough to register but not long enough to counter - he tilted in precarious balance, teetering on the edge of the bed. Then gravity reasserted itself and Prowl crashed to the cavern floor in an ungraceful heap. Scrambling to straighten himself out, he was surprised to feel a strong hand wrap around his elbow, helping him to his feet.   
"What happened?" Ultra Magnus asked, a real frown creasing his features.   
"N-nothing. Storm startled me, that's all," Prowl responded hastily, pulling his arm free as soon as he was solidly on his own two feet again. "I'm fine."   
"Prowl. . . ."   
"I said I'm fine. Please, just leave me alone."   
"As you wish," Magnus sighed. Prowl was silently amazed at how easily Ultra Magnus let himself be chased away, especially considering his earlier vow. _Some courtship_, he thought bitterly, surprised at his own reaction. This was nothing like it had been. Flarestrike . . . he had been charming, flattering with his attentions and affections. Ultra Magnus . . . so far, all he'd done was, well, not a whole lot. An ambush in Optimus Prime's office, a promise to make him love him, and a whole lot of frustration.   
_Maybe not yet, but at least he's never struck you_, a tiny voice whispered. _Never humiliated you, never made you feel worthless, never told you that you were nothing without him   
He's never had the chance_, Prowl countered. _And he's every bit the killer Flarestrike became.   
Is he? Do you really think he enjoys killing innocents?   
He isn't bothered by it.   
Are you sure?_   
Prowl hissed to himself, trying to silence that inner voice. He needed to think, needed to sort out where he fit in all of this. Muttering to himself, Prowl difted back towards the memories. . . .   
  
  
_"You're nothing without me, Prowl, you hear me? _Nothing_!"   
"Please, 'Strike. . . ."   
"Don't you _dare_ 'please, 'Strike' me, Prowl! You think I don't know? Think I don't see how you look at him?"   
"What? Him? Him who?"   
"Don't give me that! You know who I'm talking about!"   
"Please, 'Strike, believe me, there's no one else. There could never be another. I love you. Please, please don't be angry. Please, my love, please forgive me. I would never hurt you, 'Strike, never."   
Flarestrike's optics glittered a hard, cold blue. Then, as suddenly as the fury came, it was gone. Relief flooded through me, as he reached out to wrap his arms around me.   
"I'm sorry, Prowl. Forgive me for being a jealous old fool?"   
"Of course, my love," I murmured softly, relieved to know he was no longer angry with me. I snugged my body against him, a quiet sigh floating through me as I rested my head against his chest. I sensed more than felt his smile, his pleasure with me, a smile of my own echoing his pleasure. His moods were quicksilver, at times unpredictable, and yet I couldn't help but love him. I couldn't even imagine my life without him as a part of it. He was all the best parts of me, the center of my world. . . .   
  
  
"Come on, Prowl, it's time we went home."   
"We? No," I murmured, "no, I can't just leave, X-Brawn. I can't leave him. He needs me. I need him. We were meant for each other. You don't know him, Brother, not the way I do. He's not like you think, deep inside. He loves me, I know he does."   
"Who're ya tryin' ta convince, little bro? Me, or yourself?   
"Come on . . . just come away with me," my brother coaxed. "We'll get this whole thing straightened out, get you in to see a medic, and then . . . and then we'll see where we are, okay?"   
"No. . . . No, I . . . I. . . . No."   
He rose suddenly, with a sharp noise of irritation. I cringed, waiting, counting the cycles of silence. Waiting for the anger, the violence that so often came when I refused anything my beloved desired. Instead, a heavy sigh echoed out of my brother, and a gentle hand rested on my shoulder, squeezing slightly in what I could only assume was meant to be reassurance.   
"Please, Prowl, come home. You can't keep living like this. It ain't healthy."   
"I'm fine, Brother. And I think it's time you left."   
"Prowl. . . ."   
"I said I'm fine," I replied, refusing to meet his optics, surprised at the brittle harshness in my voice. "Now go. Before he sees you here."   
I could feel him staring at me. I could feel his optics begging me to leave with him. But I couldn't just walk away. I loved Flarestrike with all of my spark, couldn't imagine my life without him. I didn't even want to try. And even if I did, there was nowhere I could go that he couldn't find me.   
"Well, well, well . . . what's this, Prowl? Company? What an unexpected pleasure. I do wish you had told me though, my love. I fear our guest - your brother? - is getting a rather poor impression of me."   
I flinched at the sarcasm in my bondmate's voice, worried at the lack of emotion I sensed from him through our bond. Almost as if he wasn't there. It wasn't the first time, but this felt different somehow.   
"I already had a pretty low one ta begin with," X-Brawn rumbled, his optics flaring a bright golden hue for a moment.   
"Oh come now . . . X-Brawn is it? Surely you don't think I'm so terrible as that?"   
"I _know_ ya are, Flarestrike. And I want ya ta leave my brother alone."   
"Ah, but it's not that easy, X-Brawn. You see, your brother loves me, isn't that right, Prowl dear? And who are you to tell me to stay away from my bondmate, hmmm?"   
I flinched at the anger, the rage and horror I saw in my brother's stance. As if we were students again, I the Initiate and he the Senior. Disapproving. Always disapproving. Nothing was ever good enough for him. Never.   
"Such a vile look to be giving my mate. I think it's time you left, don't you agree Prowl?"   
"Yes," I murmured quietly. "Yes, I think it is."   
"Prowl. . . ."   
"Just . . . just go, X-Brawn. Please."   
I tensed, watching my brother through hooded optics. I could feel myself tensing even more as my beloved closed the distance between us, tried not to flinch at his proximity. But when his hand rested on my waist, I flinched anyway. I could hear the faint, disapproving huff of air from him and my optics dimmed in shame. The anger in my brother's stance rose another two notches, though I couldn't fathom why.   
"Not without you, Prowl. We're going home."   
"I think we've already made it clear that you're not welcome here. And you have no right to make such a demand of my mate."   
"To the pits with that, he's _my_ brother! And I'm not letting you hurt him anymore!"   
"Hurt him? My dear X-Brawn, if anyone is hurting him, it's you. Look at the pain you're causing him. Now, I've asked you nicely. Don't make me use force."   
I could feel my mate's fingers digging into my waist. With a yelp, I twisted free, looking up at my mate with wounded optics. I couldn't understand why he was hurting me, silently pleading with him to tell me what I had done wrong. The flash of anger I saw in my lover's optics stole my breath away. I felt myself backing away from 'Strike, choking back fear. I didn't know which scared me more - the anger in his optics or the cold lack of emotion in that corner of myself that was supposed to be him.   
"X-Brawn . . . please . . . go. . . ."   
"Now, I've already done told ya, we leave together."   
Time slowed in the sickening way it will before a violent eruption. I watched the anger boiling out of my beloved, cringed and waited for that anger to explode out of him in violence. Waited for a blow that didn't come. Surprise washed through me at the clank of metal against metal . . . a metal that was not my own. I looked up and my spark twisted at the sight of the two mechanisms I loved more than life itself grappling, the deadly flash of silver catching my optics as a knife slipped into 'Strike's hand.   
"No . . . oh, Primus, no! X-Brawn! 'Strike!! NOOOO!"_   
  
  
"NOOOOOO!"   
Reality crashed over him with a sickening lurch, the image of that silvery knife plunging through his mate's fuel pump burned into his optical subprocessor. Cruel memory perfectly recalled every sensation of that instant and Prowl lost himself in that agony. A pain unlike any other . . . seeing his beloved die, feeling it within himself as a piece of himself died as well. And knowing . . . knowing it was X-Brawn who was responsible.   
"Primus . . . not 'Strike," he whimpered, tears of cleanser streaking down his cheeks.   
"Shhhhh, it's okay, Prowl, it's over," a soft whisper chanted, dragging him further back to the present. He was being held, rocked gently, a gentle voice - Ultra Magnus? - crooning soothingly all the while. One hand was insistently stroking his back, loosening knots of tension he wasn't even aware of holding until they were gone. A heavy sigh and Prowl gave himself over to the rhythmic consoling, his entire frame relaxing against Ultra Magnus's strangely comforting presence.   
  


* * * * * 

  
Ultra Magnus held Prowl close to his chest, trying his best to comfort his trembling beloved. He could feel the tension of whatever haunted Prowl's thoughts slowly working its way out of the interceptor's body. With a heavy sigh, Prowl's body relaxed into his embrace. _This is the way it should be_, he thought idly. _I love you, Prowl._   
All too quickly, Prowl roused himself enough to slide his emotional boundries back in place. Magnus pretended not to notice, unwilling to relinquish his hold on him until absolutely necessary.   
"Magnus. . . ."   
Fighting back a sigh, Ultra Magnus looked down into Prowl's optics.   
"I . . . I'm sorry, I didn't mean. . . ."   
"Shh," he interrupted, holding a finger to Prowl's faceplate. "You don't need to apologize, Prowl. I only wish I could do more for you."   
Prowl stiffened suddenly, trying to pull away. Magnus released him reluctantly, trying to hide his hurt as the younger warrior scooted away from him.   
"I . . . I'm going to get some air," Prowl muttered, sliding past Magnus to hurry out of the cavern. Sighing, he followed, lingering inside the cave entrance to watch Prowl standing on the beach. Moonlight glittered on the ocean waves, shimmering silver along Prowl's form. He watched the warrior walking slowly towards the water, arms crossed protectively around his waist. The waves quietly lapped against Prowl's feet, but the middle Autobot brother appeared oblivious. And watching him was only making him feel worse.   
Leaving a note for Prowl on the main console, Magnus slipped out of the cavern and into the night. He cast a final look at the brooding Mech before turning away, walking further up the beach to the public access road. He wanted to stay, longed to stay . . . and feared to stay at the same time. Prowl needed a confidant, of that much Magnus was reasonably certain. But it was clear that the younger warrior would not come to him, and he did not know how to broach the subject. For the first time in his life, Magnus knew what he wanted and yet had no idea how to achieve his goal. And that was beyond frustrating.   
_My patience is not infinite. Perhaps it is time I found another way._


	4. Oceans Inbetween

**On Your Shore**   
  
  
Chapter 4: Oceans Inbetween

  
  
Time. It waited for no one, paying no heed to the wants and desires of mere mortals. While it had been millenia since Flarestrike's death, Prowl found his bondmate's ghost impossible to shake. It was not that he _wished_ to cling to the past. In fact, a significant part of him longed to move forward. Three times now he had collapsed into Ultra Magnus's arms and, try as he might to deny it, each time he had felt safe. More than that, complete. More complete than he had ever felt before in his life.   
"You look like a 'bot who could use someone to listen to him."   
Prowl started out of his thoughts, surprised to find he had wandered into the rec center's lounge, an open room with a scattering of tables, chairs, couches, and storage units. The room was surprisingly unoccupied, except for Hot Shot and REV at one table. Hot Shot appeared to be working on some sort of report while REV kept him company, lounging back in his chair. Both Spychangers were watching him with polite curiosity.   
"Come on, Prowl, sit down, have a drink, relax."   
"I wouldn't want to interrupt. . . ."   
"He's scoring our combat trials," REV confessed. "Believe me, any interruption is welcome. Besides, you look like you could use the break."   
"Well. . . ."   
"Prowl," Hot Shot interrupted, "sit down. You wouldn't be here without a reason."   
Prowl sat down with a sigh, quietly folding his arms on the table. Hot Shot was right, he needed to talk to someone, and his brothers were definitely out of the question. On the other hand, he didn't really know where to start. And he wasn't entirely certain that Hot Shot and REV were even the right audience.   
"So what's up, Prowl? You and Magnus have another falling out?" REV asked casually.   
"Wha-huh?"   
"You two are like Ironhide and Mirage, only more violent," REV commented with a wry grin.   
"This is a pretty closed community, Prowl," Hot Shot stated quietly. "And with a gossip like Midnight on the team, well, rumors are going around. _Is_ there something between the two of you, or is Midnight just forcing his equations?"   
Prowl mulled over telling them, searching for the right words. After a moment, he sighed and let the words tumble out as they would.   
"Yes . . . yes, there's something between us. The past. My past."   
He sat back in his chair, crossing his arms protectively in front of himself. Unbidden, memories of Flarestrike danced through his thoughts. The way he smiled, the feel of his touch, the taste of his kiss. Prowl powered down his optics, a pointless gesture since the visions came from within.   
"Prowl?"   
"I . . . maybe I shouldn't be doing this," he mumbled, powering up his optics as he sat up straight. He was about to stand when Hot Shot reached across the table and touched his wrist.   
"Keeping this bottled up inside of you isn't doing any good. For you or for him. You need to talk to someone. If not us, then Magnus. He probably needs to hear it either way."   
"I . . . I suppose you're right."   
"Of course he is," REV murmured. "He's good like that. So . . . ya gonna talk to us or go find him?"   
"I . . . well . . . I suppose it wouldn't hurt to try finding him. If . . . if he's at the base."   
"Go," Hot Shot urged, his tone filled with a hidden smile. Prowl nodded in acknowledgment. Feeling decisive at last, he rose to his feet and walked out of the room.   
  


* * * * * 

  
Prowl stood at Ultra Magnus's door, his resolve faltering. He knew he needed to talk, but more and more, he just wanted to forget. To forget what it was like to be with Flarestrike, to forget that there had ever even _been_ a Flarestrike in his life. Unfortunately he had very little idea just how to accomplish that.   
_Just activate the door chime, Prowl,_ he told himself firmly. _You know you want to be with him. This doesn't have to be so hard. Just activate the door chime. He'll help you forget. He'll be glad to help you forget. Just do it._   
He repeated the mantra a few more times before he actually managed to tap the door plate. For a breathless moment, there was silence, then the locking mechanism whirred and clicked. The door slid aside with a subdued whoosh, perfectly framing Ultra Magnus's bulk. For an instant, the powerful warrior stood over Prowl, scowling fiercely. Then recognition lit his golden optics and the scowl vanished as he stepped aside in silent invitation. Prowl felt his body freeze for an instant and then, as if in a dream, he was moving forward. . . .   
  
  
_"What brings you to me, Prowl?" he asked quietly as the doors hissed shut behind him. Now that I was alone with him, doubt flared within me. Why was I here? To drown unpleasant memory in the pleasures of the flesh? That was hardly fair, to Magnus or myself. But I was here now, and it was too late to just walk away.   
" I . . . I thought we could . . . spend some time together."   
He widened an optic, clearly disbelieving. I couldn't blame him; it sounded like a weak excuse to my audios as well. I broke away from his burning gaze, glancing around the room. It was a fairly normal single-occupancy apartment. In fact, as I looked around, I had a hard time picking out any signs that Magnus actually lived here. Everything looked to be standard issue. Not that I actually expected him to have anything from Cybertron, but the way he stood apart from his environment was . . . unsettling.   
"Why are you here, Prowl? The truth."   
"I told you," I replied quietly while avoiding his gaze, "I thought we could spend time together . . . talk. . . ."   
"Talking has never been a high priority for you. Why should I believe now is any different?"   
I said nothing, unsure just what I _could_ say. I heard the faint huff of air and cringed. Irritation . . . it was as familiar to me as my own name. My whole body tensed, ready for the violence it had been trained to expect. The violence I had learned long ago to accept with the irritation. I curved inward, hunched protectively as I listened to the approach of his footsteps. One hand reached out to touch my shoulder and I flinched, whimpering slightly in anticipation.   
"Prowl, what is it? What's wrong?"   
Ultra Magnus turned me around easily, but of course I offered him no resistance. I kept my gaze averted, shame burning through me. He captured my chin easily in his powerful grasp, tilting my head up until his golden optics locked onto my own. Surprise replaced my shame when I saw concern burning in his gaze.   
"Talk to me," he whispered, his thumb running along my faceplate. "You said that's why you were here."   
"No," I whispered harshly, releasing the seals of my faceplate, letting it clink into his hand. "No, I'm tired of talking, Magnus. It never gets me anywhere."   
I could almost feel the waves of surprise rolling off of him. Right or wrong, I no longer cared. I wanted . . . no, _needed_ to forget. I needed to get Flarestrike out of my mind. I could think of no better way to do that than to focus on Magnus, to lose myself in his touch, his presence, his kiss.   
"Just how easy do you think I am, Prowl?" he rumbled as he let my faceplate drop to the floor with a dull clang. "You think, after everything you've done to me, you can just walk in here, bare some skin, and get what you want?"   
I flinched at his words, at their almost haunting familiarity. Shame flowed through me with renewed urgency as I broke my gaze from his. I tried frantically to think of some way to pick up my faceplate, my badge of shame, and get out with as much of my remaining dignity as I possibly could. Then, like a jolt of electricity, his fingers were trailing along the underside of my right radar housing.   
"You'd be right," he purred, lifting me off my feet with ease. I didn't know what to think as he drew me up to his chest, his warm laughter cascading around me, filling me with it's positive glow. I surrendered to my relief, unsealing my shield and tossing it aside. Smiling, I reached out to cup his angular face in my hands. His head turned slightly to kiss the palm of my hand as he carried me over to his couch. My feet touched the cushions and I smiled once more, leaning forward to kiss him impulsively.   
No longer needing to support my weight, his hands slid along my body, insistently kneading and caressing. I whimpered faintly, ordering my legs to lock in place, if only so I didn't collapse into a helpless heap. His hands were a terribly delicious distraction, drawing out the inner fire of desire. I leaned closer, kissing him insistantly.   
"I am quite certain," he murmured between nipping kisses, "that you wanted to talk."   
"Talking's overrated," I moaned faintly, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. His kisses lingered at my throat, sending warm pulses of desire throughout my core. My head tilted back, optics dimming in an effort to reduce the inputs to my neural networks. My fingers dug into the back of his shoulders, a low moan rattling against my neck as his whole body shuddered.   
I wanted him more in that instant than I had ever wanted anything in my life.   
Power tantalized and teased almost as much as Magnus's touch. I surrendered to the Matrix-energy, surrendered to the sweeping sense of re-energization, his gift to me. Every sense tingled, leaving me hyper-aware of every breath of air across my outer plating. I pushed us into the next level, forcing a gasp from Magnus as energy sparked between us. His head shot up, golden optics burning into me.   
"What. . . ?"   
I briefly touched a finger to his lips, nipping teasingly at his cheek. A low rumble and he nipped at my finger. I could almost feel his pleasure echoing my own. So close . . . so very close. . . . I could hear the rhythm of his air vents quicken as did my own, our bodies adjusting to cool our systems more quickly, trying to compensate for the ethereal heat of desire.   
"Tell me," he gasped, his lips tantalizingly close to my neck. "Prowl. . . ."   
I said nothing, willing us ever closer to bonding. For an almost painfully long moment, there was nothing. And then my awareness of him exploded through me. Hyper-aware of the feel of his hands on my body, I drew him closer to me, physically and mentally. I knew then this was what he had longed to do for weeks. To take me to the very brink of bonding and hold me there with him as long as possible before spiraling back down. Pleasure echoed between us, tinged with surprise and contentment. Our minds spiraled higher, riding a wave of mutual pleasure.   
We both sensed that next level calling. I longed to take that next leap, but I could feel him pulling back, pulling me back as well. But I had learned well how pleasure could be used to advantage. I filled his mind with all the things I would do, projecting future pairings, all the while drawing him closer and closer to that critical brink. This time he didn't hesitate.   
In a drowning wave, everything he had ever been, all his hopes and dreams, wants and desires, seared through me. Images and sounds flashed through my awareness, a blurr of his life. Then there was no him, no me, only us. For a moment that was all too short, we were one. Perfect love, perfect trust . . . perfection beyond words.   
With a cry oddly tinged with anger, Magnus pulled free, the bond thinning almost to non-existence. Disoriented, I collapsed down onto the couch. I couldn't see his expression, but I could feel him through our bond. Shock rooted me in place as my mind put words to the emotion I sensed from him: the rage of betrayal. . . ._   
  


* * * * * 

  
Ultra Magnus had never felt so . . . used. The taint of it mocked him, a silent reminder of what a fool he had become. He loved Prowl and Prowl . . . he had come here with one thing in mind: using him. Using him to try to forget the hurts of his past. And, like an idiot, he had walked right into it.   
"How could you?" he hissed darkly. "Did you think I wouldn't find out when we bonded? And how dare you!? How _dare_ you bond us?!?"   
"Magnus, please. . . ."   
"I _will not_ be used, Prowl! You had no right!"   
"You wanted it too," Prowl whimpered, somehow shrinking in on himself. "You can't deny that."   
"Not like this!" Magnus exploded. He stopped, forcing himself to think rationally. _Why are you really angry?_ he asked himself silently. _Not at the bonding, not when you've wanted that for so long._   
In the silence of his thoughts, he was suddenly aware of the anguish streaming from his new bondmate. Prowl looked for all the world to be trying to shrink into nothing, making himself as small as possible in one corner of the couch. The sight triggered a memory from Prowl's past: an unknown Mech - _Flarestrike_, a voice whispered - towering over him, glowering in absolute rage, one fist dark with smeared energon gel. The image - and the knowledge that it was Prowl's gel - pushed his anger past the flashpoint. His innermost core cried out for vengeance, seethed with a desire to kill Flarestrike.   
"You can't have him," Prowl whimpered. "He's already dead."   
"Prowl," he whispered, carefully gathering his trembling mate into his arms. "Prowl, why didn't you tell me? It shouldn't be like this. Why didn't you tell me?"   
"I . . . I tried," Prowl mumbled, "but I couldn't. I . . . I'm sorry. I didn't know any other way."   
Magnus folded his arms around his new bondmate, willing himself to calmness. It hurt to be used, but Prowl's hurt outweighed his own. He wanted to understand Prowl's desperation, wanted to understand what could make him gamble everything on a bonding. A bonding that could have ruined everything.   
_"Ultra Magnus, Prowl, this is a battle protocol!"_   
"Take your battle protocol and stuff it up your PCI bus, T-AI," Magnus growled darkly.   
_"This isn't a game, Ultra Magnus. Now get moving!"_   
"You can't order me around, T-AI. And if you think I'm letting Prowl go anywhere right now. . . ."   
_"Now you listen to me, Mister High and Mighty! Decepticons are attacking a dam on the upper Tigris. Prowl, your brothers need you right now! Team Bullet Train will meet you en route. As for you, Magnus, Optimus needs to see you at the ruins of Macchu Picchu right away!"_   
"Optimus can wait. Send Build Team. Prowl's staying right here with me."   
_"I can't send Build Team; they've got their assignment guarding Fortress Maximus. Now stop arguing with me and get moving!"_   
"Magnus. . . ."   
"Fine," he growled, releasing Prowl. Prowl quickly gathered his faceplate and shield, hurrying for the door. Magnus caught his arm at the last minute.   
"Prowl. . . ."   
"I have to go, Magnus. Battle protocol."   
"I know, just . . . be careful, okay? Meet me at the retreat when you're free."   
"I have to go," Prowl repeated, never once meeting his optics as he pulled free and hurried down the hall. Magnus watched him for only a moment before sighing heavily. When he got his hands on Scourge, he was going to turn him into scrap metal.   
_First things first,_ he reminded himself. Pulling his canon from its recharger, he stalked down the corridors of Autobot headquarters. He silently prayed there were Predacons in Peru. He needed to vent and combat was the perfect outlet.   
  


* * * * * 

  
Prowl drove along the spacebridge in a haze of doubt and fear, barely taking the time to acknowledge Railspike when Team Bullet Train joined him. There was no undoing what he had done; he and Magnus were joined for the rest of their lives. It should have been a time of joy, of discovery . . . of peace and contentment. Instead, he was barreling headlong into battle, terrified that he had ruined everything.   
_What was I thinking? Pushing him into a bond . . . I must have been out of my mind. . . .   
Oh, but he's mine. All mine. . . ._   
"Prowl, we're at the battle site," Railspike announced, breaking through his thoughts. "Transform and power up."   
Prowl complied in silence, joining the battle with an odd sense of detachment. The six Decepticons were toying with X-Brawn and Sideburn, but they quickly became serious as Railspike lead his team into the fray.   
"Decepticons, combine!"   
Dread seeped into Prowl's circuits as he watched the five Decepticons transform.   
"Ruination awakens!"   
He froze in place, trapped in the past. The last time he had faced Ruination, he had almost died. Of course that situation had been very different. There was no reason to think history would repeat itself. But all Prowl could think was, this time, Ultra Magnus wasn't there to save him.   
  


* * * * * 

  
Ultra Magnus transformed as soon as he cleared the spacebridge exit. The first rays of sunlight lent the landscape a pale lavender hue, the false dawn lighting the sky just enough to be dangerous to any humans who might be about. Unsurprisingly, there were none; despite being almost equatorial, the high mountains of the Andes chilled rapidly overnight, particularly now that autumn was coming to the high passes. With no astrological importance attached to the day, tourists were unlikely to make the climb up into the ruins for several hours yet.   
"All right, Optimus, I'm here. What do you want?"   
"I had to recall Build Team."   
"What?? You brought me all the way out here for _that_?" Magnus growled irritably. He crossed his arms, forcing himself to stay and hear his brother out. Optimus turned slowly, as if a great burden was weighing him down.   
"You used to be a better warrior than that. A better tactician. I _had_ to recall Build Team."   
"Fortress Maximus is too important to be left unguarded . . . unless you knew we didn't need to guard him anymore. Or you knew we couldn't. So who has Cerebros?"   
"Galvatron."   
"Then what in the name of the Matrix are we doing _here_?"   
"Galvatron has Cerebros but he can't control him or Fortress Maximus. They can try, but he wasn't designed to respond to Predacon inputs."   
"That won't stop them for long."   
"I know, that's why I'm here."   
"Have you lost your mind? What do human ruins have to do with anything?"   
"You forget, Brother, Fortress Maximus was sent here millions of years ago. We know Cerebros eventually left his base deep beneath the Japanese islands, but he wasn't always there. And Cerebros himself didn't remain there."   
"What's your point? Cerebros wouldn't have just walked around the populations of a primitive Earth. It would be against his programming."   
"On the contrary, Magnus. That is exactly what Cerebros did," his brother responded. "His duty was to protect this world. In order to do that, he needed to know something about it and it's people. Some hailed him as a god, some as a demon, but he was here."   
"You _do_ realize there's a battle going on while we're dithering about history, right?"   
"Yes, Ruination and Scourge. T-AI told me. But you're missing my point."   
"Probably because you haven't made it yet."   
"Galvatron can't control Cerebros because he doesn't have the right codes, the key inputs that will trigger Cerebros's programming. But it won't take him long to find a solution to his problem. Which means we need to find a counter."   
"Just so I know I'm hearing you correctly . . . Cerebros will respond to anyone who can get past his first level of security?"   
"Four million years ago, there was no reason to seriously consider that such a person would be anything but another Autobot."   
"Why do I sense a 'but' coming on?"   
"But," Optimus continued, his tone warm with a smile, "Some Autobots were still paranoid. Once he combines with his base, secondary security routines will activate. Fortress Maximus will shut down until the second key is activated, a key Cerebros himself will have chosen."   
"Paranoid? I'd call that more than just paranoid. I'd call that mentally unbalanced. How is _anyone_ supposed to know what the second key is? Especially since, on a hunch, I'm going to say Cerebros will be quite stuck in Fort Max until someone does figure it out."   
"And that, my brother, is why I am here. T-AI is already searching online databases for any information on Cerebros the humans may have gathered over the millenia without realizing it."   
"Metal demons," Magnus rumbled, uncrossing his arms with a sigh. "You know, at any other time, I might almost find this interesting. But considering you just interrupted the most important moment of my life to send my partner into battle and to drag me out here to talk about theories, I'm not impressed. I should have taken the Matrix from you when I had the chance."   
"If you actually meant that, we wouldn't still be talking. You remember our agreement? Work with me, not against me. I need your help. If that means you have to make sacrifices for the greater good. . . ."   
"Don't you _dare_ lecture me on sacrifices for the greater good! I sacrificed _everything_ for the greater good during the civil wars. And what did it get me? A bunch of medals and a brush-off by Vector Sigma. I've done my time as the self-sacrificing Autobot. You want someone to make sacrifices, make them yourself. For your sake, you just better hope Ruination is having an amazing day or I'm going to make you sorry you even _thought_ about sending Prowl into battle today."   
Ultra Magnus turned on his heel and stalked into the spacebridge. Transforming in silent rage, he raced through the tunnels towards the Tigris river valley.   
  


* * * * * 

  
Prowl fought to stand his ground, fought to keep himself between Scourge and Sideburn. His little brother was offline and leaking fuel, but Prowl didn't have time to think about that. He and X-Brawn had their hands full with Scourge and he could sense more than see Railracer struggling to hold his own against Ruination.   
_Something's not right_, he thought to himself. _We should be able to take these guys. And why hasn't T-AI sent any backup?_   
"You fools! Do you really think you can keep me from taking what I want? Ultimate Main Battery!"   
Artillery fire erupted all around him as X-Brawn threw himself protectively over their brother. Scourge's laugh echoed in his audios and for an instant, Prowl froze. That laugh . . . that laugh had been the last sound he had heard before going offline last time.   
His hesitation was all the opening Scourge needed. An odd warmth blossomed in his chest, swiftly followed by a sense of detachment as he noticed the length of ruby metal pushing out of his chest.   
  


* * * * * 

  
Ultra Magnus arrived at the scene just as Prowl slid off the end of Scourge's sword. Unmatched fury roared through him, feeding off the pain that nearly brought him to his knees. Power surged upward, responding to his rage as a volley of stun cluster bombs launched almost of their own accord. Blue Bolts leapt into his hands and he sent a hail of bullets towards Scourge. The Decepticon commander staggered, stunned at the ferocity of the attack. However, he recovered quickly, raising his sword to cut a swath through the bullets.   
"At last, an opponent worthy of my time," the Decepticon gloated. Ultra Magnus didn't even bother acknowledging, spinning his gun in his hands as it shifted to plasma cannon mode. Scourge staggered backwards as Magnus advanced, firing blast after blast and releasing another volley of stun cluster bombs. He was peripherally aware of others joining the battle, but he was much more interested in beating Scourge into the ground.   
Scourge stumbled backwards, falling to the ground with a growl. Magnus allowed himself a sharp laugh.   
"How's it feel, Scourge? Beg for your life, worm. Beg for mercy."   
"Ultra Magnus!"   
"I won't beg from anyone, least of all you, Mercenary. I do not beg from the honorless."   
Ultra Magnus ripped the ruby sword from Scourge's hands, tossing aside Blue Bolts in his anger.   
"Honorless? You wouldn't know honor if it swallowed you whole, Scourge. You don't _deserve_ my wrath."   
"Ultra Magnus!!"   
"Stop bragging. If you mean to kill me, then get it over with. Or are you as much of a coward as the rest of the Autobots?"   
"You're wrong, Scourge. Dead wrong."   
Magnus raised the sword high with both hands before plunging it through the windows on Scourge's chest, pinning him to the ground.   
"No swift death, no mercy."   
"Fool. Ruination!"   
A giant hand swept down, roughly pulling Scourge, and his sword, from the earth. Ruination rose into the air, fleeing the battlefield.   
"You should have killed me, Mercenary," Scourge taunted. "Now it's personal."   
"It already was," Magnus growled. "It already was." 


	5. All Asunder But For He

**On Your Shore**   
  
  
Chapter 5: All Asunder But For He

  
  
Rage still burned through Ultra Magnus as he stared up at the sky, watching Ruination's retreat. He clung to his rage, feeding upon it. The heat of his fury was all that protected him from the agony of Prowl . . . the agony of his loss.   
_Damn you, Primus. How could you take him from me? How could you take him now, when I've only just found him? And damn you to the deepest pits, Scourge, for ever drawing power. I will make you pay for what you have done this day._   
"Ultra Magnus!!!"   
In the red haze of wrath, Magnus was marginally aware of someone calling his name. Someone who had been calling his name for several seconds now. A corner of his awareness was quite certain he should be acknowledging that voice, but the bulk of him could not be bothered to care. All that mattered was devising some way to glean his vengeance for Prowl's murder. Only then would he be satisfied. Only then would he allow himself to be bothered by the petty wants of his brother's Autobots.   
  


* * * * * 

  
"He's gone, Hot Shot, lost inside himself. Probably lost to the red haze. We need Optimus, now."   
"Don't tell _me_, REV, tell T-AI. And tell her to hurry with Prowl. We lose him, we may well lose Magnus too."   
"Would it be much of a loss? Losing Ultra Magnus, I mean," Rapid Run quipped. "You saw him just now. That is _not_ the way of the Autobots."   
"That comment is so ugly it's beneath my contempt to respond to it," Hot Shot growled. "Now get back to base. _We'll_ deal with Ultra Magnus."   
"What I say?"   
"Come on, Rapid Run, let's get X-Brawn and Sideburn into Medical," Midnight Express suggested consolingly. Hot Shot watched from the corner of his visual range as the two bullet trains left, the last of the wounded now clear of the battlefield. Humans were cautiously approaching the dam, undoubtedly to check it for battle damage.   
"Crosswise, your turn to liase with the humans. Help them in any way you can."   
"On it," the blue Spychanger replied with a smart salute. Ironhide and Mirage chuckled softly, as the scientist walked over to the humans.   
"Keep alert gentlemen. This isn't exactly friendly territory. These humans don't want us here any more than we want the Predacons around. Let's not give them any more reasons to be angry."   
"Yes sir!" the remaining Spychangers chorused, their tones only slightly touched with amusement. Hot Shot forced back a sigh as he watched Ultra Magnus staring at the sky. In a way, Rapid Run was right; the Autobot way did not include skewering enemies on their own weapons or forcing them to beg for mercy. But Prowl was seriously wounded; they still couldn't be sure that the interceptor would survive. And while Hot Shot had no proof that the pair had bonded, the evidence certainly pointed in that direction. Given that, he wasn't so sure he himself would have acted any differently if it had been REV in Prowl's place.   
"All right, Hot Shot, I'm here. What's the situation?"   
"How much did T-AI tell you, sir?"   
"She didn't, only that REV was requesting my presence here on your behalf. Highly irregular, but I trust you have profound reason."   
"That I do, sir," Hot Shot sighed. "Prowl was seriously injured. T-AI is working as hard as she can, but we're still not certain he'll survive. Your brother is understandably upset."   
"And?" Optimus prompted gently.   
"REV and I think he's lost in the red haze. We think he's using his anger to shield himself from the loss of his mate. From what I can peice together, he arrived on the scene either just as Prowl was impaled on Scourge's sword, or shortly thereafter. Confronted with that image, Ultra Magnus probably came to the reasonable conclusion that Prowl was dead.   
"I don't know if your brother has ever had a bondmate before. I do know, however, that when one dies, the other experiences excruitating pain, even with the most peaceful passing. If that death is violent, the pain is even worse. A prior bond or not, your brother would know that. If he even suspects Prowl could be dead . . . his rage is his only defense, sir."   
"Except Prowl isn't dead."   
"No, but _he_ doesn't know that," Hot Shot replied quietly. Optimus nodded, watching his brother with a somehow closed air. Ultra Magnus was as still as a statue, lost in a world of his own making. And it appeared as though the natives were getting restless.   
"Sir, our presence is not particularly welcome in this region. If there's anything you can do. . . ."   
"Stall them, Hot Shot. This may take a moment."   
  


* * * * * 

  
Proximity sensors warned of an approaching Autobot, his brother, but he didn't care. Auditory subprocessors recorded the sounds of his voice, but he willfully ignored the meaning assigned to the sounds. All was white noise to the bittersweet warsong of wrath. Tactile sensors embedded in the metallic skin of his right hand told him his brother had clasped it, but still he ignored it. Then reality exploded as, for the first time, Optimus forced the fusion. They were one.   
  


* * * * * 

  
Optimus mentally staggered as the full weight of his brother's fury swept through him. For an instant that felt more like an eternity, they were one. Rage and loss swirled in a gaping vortex that refused to allow any other sensations to surface. Optimus struggled to re-find himself, struggled to make his voice heard against the howling sinkhole of despair.   
_Magnus, my brother, hear me! Prowl lives! Release your anger, Brother. Prowl lives!   
**You lie. I saw his murder. I saw Scourge kill him.**   
Prowl hangs on the edge of death, but he still lives. Release your wrath, if only for a little while. Do not rob yourself of this time. I can feel him within you. Come back to base with me, Brother.   
**Prowl lives?**   
Yes, Magnus, Prowl lives._   
The forced fusion collapsed as Ultra Magnus pulled free, transforming and driving full speed into the spacebridge without so much as a word. _I wish he wouldn't do that_, Optimus thought to himself with a quiet sigh. And yet, he could wish no ill upon his brother. He understood Magnus far too well, understood his urgency. Optimus offered a silent prayer for Prowl's well-being . . . and his brother's happiness.   
  


* * * * * 

  
Ultra Magnus was a dark presence, an immovable object at Prowl's side. He responded to no one, despite T-AI's repeated threats to have him forcibly removed. And as the hours multipled, she conceded defeat, ordering the medic droids to work around him.   
To the confusion of his fellow Autobots, Hot Shot quietly insisted that at least one of the Spychangers be in Medical at all times. While he knew Optimus didn't understand, he was greatful the commander was willing to allow him the benefit of the doubt.   
"How's he doing?" REV asked quietly.   
"T-AI finally got Prowl stabilized enough to disconnect the pump regulator. That sword came within centimeters of peircing his spark housing. One good twist. . . ."   
"And Magnus?" his Companion asked softly.   
"Unresponsive. T-AI's monitors label him as somewhere between comatose like Prowl and just in a deep, meditative state. I don't know, REV . . . something in me says if Prowl dies, we'll have a fight on our hands to keep Magnus here. If I'd known how strongly they had bonded. . . ."   
"There was no way you could have known that, Hot Shot," REV murmured, wrapping a soothing arm around Hot Shot's waist. "I doubt _they_ even knew it. But you're borrowing trouble. Prowl's gonna be fine."   
Hot Shot sighed, silently greatful for REV's presence. Watching Magnus hulking over Prowl's still body reminded him of just how fortunate he was to have REV in his life.   
"Mm-hmm. But then I'd say I lucked out finding you, my love," REV whispered as he rested his chin on his shoulder. Hot Shot chuckled softly, wrapping his own arm around his bondmate's waist.   
"Am I really so transparent?" he asked with quiet amusement.   
"Only when you're really worried about someone, and even then, only to me," REV confessed. "But I really do think you're borrowing more trouble than you need. They'll be fine."   
"I suppose you're right," Hot Shot sighed, letting his head rest against REV's head lightly.   
"Of course I am. Now go on, scoot. Do paperwork for awhile or something. I'll stay 'til Crosswise gets here."   
"I wouldn't do that to you, REV. . . ."   
"Bah. 'Do' nothing. You need a break and I'm volunteering. You should take advantage of my generosity instead of complaining about it. Crosswise should be here in about an hour. If you haven't at least made an honest effort to relax by then. . . ."   
REV trailed off, pulling back with a suggestive gleam in his optics. He absently traced the flame decal on Hot Shot's chest, a playful smile tugging at the corner of his mouth despite his attempt to be serious. Hot Shot couldn't help but laugh at the conflicted sensations of stern reproach, subtle desire, and bubbling amusement shimmering happily through their bond.   
"All right, all right, I'm going. But don't think I won't remember this."   
"Wouldn't dream of it," REV crooned, grinning.   
"Just remember. . . ."   
"Would you go already? Don't worry. T-AI and I can look after Magnus just fine without your supervision."   
Hot Shot nodded, but didn't move. He and REV hadn't seen much of each other in the three days since the battle. In truth, they had been so busy lately, that they hadn't had any real time together for the better part of the month. So Hot Shot was reluctant to leave his mate's side.   
"Go," REV whispered as he pulled free of Hot Shot's embrace. "I promise I'll make it up to you."   
"I'm holding you to that," Hot Shot mumbled. He cast one last look at Ultra Magnus and Prowl, then quietly slipped from the room.   
  


* * * * * 

  
_Don't leave me, Prowl. Not now, not that've finally found you. Please, Primus, don't take him from me. Not when You've only just given him to me._   
Ultra Magnus folded his hands around one of Prowl's own, worried at it's fragility. Lying still, surrounded by monitors and repair droids, he seemed terribly fragile, even without the artificial pump controls that had kept him functioning during the most critical stage of repairs.   
_Can you hear me, my love?_ he thought quietly, intent on the faint flickering of their bond. Prowl was so deep within himself that, despite his best efforts, Magnus could only just sense his presence. It was disconcerting to sense nothing but a faint shimmer where there should have been some emotion, some sense of ongoing life.   
_Can you hear me, my love? Can you sense me at all? Dear Primus, I don't want to lose you, Prowl. I can't lose you, not like this. Please . . . please, don't leave me. Oh Prowl . . . all that stolen time. I cannot hold you long enough._   
  


* * * * * 

  
Lost within himself, Prowl felt cast adrift in a void of being. . . .   
  
  
_Darkness all around me, whispering silent promises of relief. No pain in the embrace of unbeing, no hurts. All would be at last made well. Tempting, so very tempting. But that relief was only a taunting whisper, always beyond my reach. And no amount of longing on my part would ever change that.   
'Magnus . . .why can't I feel you? Primus, please, don't take him away from me. I need him. He's all the best parts of me. Please, please Primus, let me feel him.'   
I prayed in silence for a time I couldn't measure, straining to sense the presence of my mate. At first there was nothing and then slowly, tantalizingly slowly, I could feel the faint shimmer of his presence. My spark swelled with joy and love. I struggled to claw myself closer, desperate to feel the warmth of his love.   
'This . . . this is where I belong. This is where I should be now and forever - basking in him, warm and safe in the bounds of his love,' I thought to myself, slowly, painfully slowly, easing into the warm circle that was our bond. 'I love you, Ultra Magnus, my dark and brooding warlord.'   
'And I you, my gentle samurai.'   
I could hardly believe my senses. Could I truly be hearing him?   
'Magnus? Beloved?'   
'Yes, Prowl, I am here.'   
'Oh Primus . . . Magnus, don't leave me. Please. . . .'   
'I'm not going anywhere, my love,' he purred, and I could feel him wrapping me in the warmth of his feelings for me. 'By your side, for the rest of your life.'   
'I'm sorry . . . I'm so sorry. . . . I was selfish. I should have asked you, should have found some other way. I . . . I should have waited. To force you. . . .'   
'Shh, enough, my love. Yes, you should have asked. But what is done is done. And I would never send you away, Prowl. How can you think I would still be angry, when I have longed to be one with you? Rest now, Prowl. Rest and grow strong. I will still be here when you wake.'_   
  


* * * * * 

  
Optimus felt vaguely uneasy as he walked into Medical, a feeling that was not aided by the sight of Crosswise and WARS arguing in a far corner. Striving to ignore them, he approached T-AI's hologram.   
"T-AI, report."   
"Physical repairs are complete, Optimus."   
"But?"   
"His higher processing functions are still in preservation mode," she started, only to be interrupted as Koji suddenly ran into the room.   
"Is it true? Is Prowl really dying??"   
"Koji, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in school?"   
"I know my dad said we needed a break, but how could you not tell me? And how can you think I could just go back to school if Prowl's dying???"   
"Koji, it's okay. Prowl's not really dying," T-AI replied gently.   
"Then why is he lying there like that? If he's not dying, what's with all the monitors and the vigil and everything else? He's been in here a whole week. And don't tell me that's normal. I'm not stupid, T-AI."   
"Koji, Cybertronian morphology and physiometry are not topics for young children," Optimus explained. "I would suggest you return to your family."   
"I'm not stupid. You're giant robots with really powerful computer brains. So what's the deal with Prowl?"   
Optimus sighed, crossing his arms in quiet resignation. Koji was a good kid, but he was just that - a kid. He thought they were having grand adventures, rarely aware of the magnitude of the danger the Predacons and Decepticons posed.   
"Koji," T-AI started gently, her hologram floating down to his level, "please understand that we're not trying to say that you're stupid. But there are aspects of Cybertronian physiology for which humans don't even have words. Entire branches of science your best minds haven't even begun to imagine, let alone understand."   
"T-AI, I'm not asking for a science lesson. I just want to know what's happening with my friend."   
"Then, in simplest terms," Crosswise interjected, suddenly joining the conversation, "Prowl's in a coma."   
"How . . . how is that even possible?"   
"I thought you didn't want an involved explanation?"   
"I don't, T-AI, but that . . . how can a computer be in a coma?"   
"Crosswise, maybe you could explain it? I think you've had a little more experience. . . ."   
"Sure thing, T-AI. See, Koji, there's more to us than just giant metal bodies and super computer brains. The closest human referent would be A.I.s - artificial intelligence. Of course any Cybertronian would take exception to being classified as artificial, but for the sake of this explanation, it doesn't really matter."   
"Okay," Koji said, still clearly confused. Crosswise settled on the floor, bringing himself closer to the boy's level. Intriuged at this view of Crosswise's liasing abilities in use, Optimus settled back to listen.   
"Now, we don't feel things the same way a human does, but we _can_ feel pain. If that pain gets to be too much, the mind shuts down awareness for the sake of self-preservation. The more damaged the body, the more that awareness is shut down. It's a defense mechanism, both against the repeated pain faults of a damaged body part and from the disorienting sensations of being repaired.   
"Normally, of course, there's still enough sensation to let a bot's consciousness keep track of the extent of the damage. Normal preservation mode is more like a deep trance in those conditions, and the mind can be recalled fairly easily. Unfortunately, Prowl's retreated farther than normal, perhaps because he very nearly did die. And if we can't bring him back, then he probably will die."   
"But . . . but you guys can take care of that, right? I mean, you can, like, plug into him and bring his mind back, right? It's just a matter of going in and finding it, right?"   
"In theory, yes. But it's not quite that simple. Linking minds outside of a gestalt or a bond is very dangerous. Even if we could get T-AI in, and even without any ethical considerations, she wouldn't know what to look for. The only one who can really reach Prowl right now is Ultra Magnus, and we're not even sure he can. Even if he can, he isn't in any better condition than Prowl."   
"What's _that_ supposed to mean?"   
"It means. . . ."   
"It means that Magnus isn't responding to any outside inputs," T-AI added, her tone suddenly chill. "He's been on external support himself for the last three days. Koji, I know you want to help, but the best thing you can do right now is go home."   
"Crosswise?"   
"Don't worry, Koji. We'll take care of this. Prowl'll be fine."   
Koji nodded, leaving with obvious reluctance. Crosswise rose to his feet with a sigh, nodding to Optimus as he did so.   
"Sir, I hate to ask again, but it's possible the forced fusion may be the only way to bring them back. You're the only one who can reach Ultra Magnus right now, just as he's the only one with a chance of bringing Prowl back."   
"It may not work, Crosswise. I will do what I can."   
"That's all we ask, sir."   
Optimus carefully disconnected the external feeds from his brother. He braced himself, mentally and physically, then forced the fusion. Once more, they were one.   
  


* * * * * 

  
Ultra Magnus could feel his bondmate's consciousness dimming, fading away from him.   
_Prowl . . . please, Prowl, don't leave me!   
Magnus? So . . . hard. . . .   
No! Please, Primus, don't take him from me! Prowl, please, don't leave me like this!_   
In a rush of power, Ultra Magnus felt himself ripped away from Prowl and thrust into the forced fusion of Omega Prime. Desperate to return to Prowl, he tried to break free of the meld, but his brother held him firmly in place.   
_No! Damn you, Optimus, let me go! Prowl needs me!   
**I need you too, Brother. Listen to me. You're dying, both of you. It's been seven days; his body is completely repaired. Prowl needs to return to himself, but he can't, or won't, we don't know which.**   
Seven days?   
**Yes, Brother. You must bring him back. We don't want to lose you, either of you. Please. . . .**   
Then release me._   
The meld collapsed, and for a moment, Ultra Magnus caught sight of T-AI, Crosswise, and his brother. But none of them mattered. All that mattered was Prowl. Reaching through their bond, he called out to his mate.   
_Prowl . . . Prowl do you hear me?   
Magnus. . . .   
Come to me, Prowl. Come closer.   
I . . .I can't. The pain. . . .   
Come to me, and I promise to make the pain go away, my love._   
For a moment, Magnus could sense the hesitation in his bondmate. Then the link between them flared as Prowl took a hesitant step forward. He reached out, gently drawing his mate closer to reality, constantly reassuring that all would be well. Their bond flared again and, for a brief moment, their minds meshed as one.   
_I love you._   
  


* * * * * 

  
Prowl powered up his optics to the sight of Ultra Magnus standing over him. He smiled, even though he knew no one could see it. Surprisingly gentle fingers traced the line of his faceplate and Prowl turned his head into the caress, sighing faintly. He felt a completeness within himself that he hadn't known in a very long time.   
_I love you._   
"Welcome back," Magnus murmured. "Think we can go home now?"   
"I'd like that," he murmured in response.   
"Well, before either of you get carried away. . . ."   
"Don't even say it T-AI. If you tell me you need to run another test, I swear I'll reprogram you . . . with my fist."   
"I wasn't about to say anything like that," the hologram-girl replied petulantly, crossing her arms. "I was only going to recommend you both be placed on leave for a few days."   
"That might not be a bad idea," Crosswise chimed in. Prowl pulled himself up into a sitting position, surprised to find he was stiff all over. He could almost feel Ultra Magnus's desire to ease that stiffness, mingled with an odd reluctance. Odd, at least, until Prowl noticed that, in addition to themselves and T-AI, Crosswise, WARS, and Optimus Prime were also present in the small ward that served as their Medical.   
"Very well," Optimus nodded. "T-AI. . . ."   
Alert klaxons screamed to life, jarring with their shrill discordance. Prowl winced, surprised and annoyed at his sensitivity to the alert klaxons.   
"Battle protocol, Optimus!"   
"I know . . . and no, Magnus. Stay here."   
"I don't take orders from you!"   
"Magnus, for once in your life, don't argue with me. For now, your place is here, at base."   
Ultra Magnus snorted, then stalked out of the ward. Prowl winced again as his mate claimed privacy and blocked off their bond. It wasn't the first time he had felt the loneliness of a blocked bond, but somehow it was worse with Magnus than it had ever been with Flarestrike.   
"Optimus. . . ."   
"I know, Crosswise. T-AI, under no circumstances are you to allow Ultra Magnus to know about this or any other Scourge attack. Prowl, you're off active duty for the next couple of days. Take advantage of it."   
"I intend to, sir," he murmured as he carefully walked out of the ward. It felt . . . wrong, that he should feel so weak and stiff. Not after so many days in Medical, under the careful supervision of T-AI's repair droids.   
He felt moderately better by the time he had reached the quarters he shared with his brothers. His hand hovered over the keypad for a moment. He glanced down the hall, towards Ultra Magnus's quarters, but his mate was no where to be seen. As much as he wanted to be with him, the silence hurt.   
_It was supposed to be different with you, Magnus. You were supposed to be open, sharing where Flarestrike held back. And now you block me too._   
With a heavy sigh, Prowl punched in his code, letting himself into the apartment. He stopped short, shocked to see Ultra Magnus waiting for him.   
"I knew you'd come back here."   
Prowl froze, suddenly trapped in his own past. So many times, Flarestrike has said those words or ones very much like them. More often than not, they had boded no good for Prowl. He could almost see Flarestrike standing over him, glowering with clenched fists.   
_"I knew you'd come back here. You're nothing without me, you ungrateful little punk. . . ."_   
"Prowl. . . ." _Prowl. . . ._   
The psychic echo more than the sound of Magnus's voice pulled Prowl out of the flashback. A deep-seated shiver shook through him momentarily, setting his entire frame to rattling. Then he felt his mate drawing him close, holding him protectively.   
"So tired. . . ."   
"I know, my love," he whispered softly, kissing the side of Prowl's helmet. "Come to my quarters? Stay with me?"   
"Only if you promise to stay with me and hold me until I forget there was ever anyone else," Prowl murmured.   
"Of course I will, Prowl. All you've ever had to do is ask."   
Prowl smiled behind his faceplate, leaning forward to rest against Magnus's chest. The deck plates fell away as Ultra Magnus stood up, still holding Prowl close to his chest. Prowl tensed, even though he knew Magnus was quite capable of carrying him around. As if sensing Prowl's unease, his mate's arms shifted and the deck plates were once again under his feet.   
No words passed between them, but Prowl felt content all the same. An ethereal weight lifted itself from his shoulders as the door to Magnus's apartment hissed shut behind them. Without so much as breaking his stride, Ultra Magnus swept Prowl into his arms and carried him to the couch. Prowl silently snugged his body against his mate's as the larger warrior settled on the couch. A comfortable silence wrapped around them. Prowl released all the tension and the fear his spark had carried since their bonding.   
_I love you.   
I know, Prowl. I love you too._


	6. Epilogue

**On Your Shore**   
  
  
Epilogue

  
  
Prowl nuzzled his mate, his faceplate and shield in a neat pile behind the couch. Something about being so close to death had kindled an odd need to feel close and alive. They had been shredding the line between normalcy and intimacy ever since Prowl had come back online. Now, in the privacy of Ultra Magnus's quarters, they ignored it completely.   
  
  
_The feel of his hands coursed through me like cool fire. I had come too close to death too many times in the short time since I had known him. I exaulted in our bond, drawing him to me as our minds spiraled higher on a wave of mutual pleasure. He was mine, all mine. But more importantly, I was his.   
I heard the rasp in his air vents as his body fought to keep him cooled. I revelled in the knowledge that I was responsible, that I was the one bringing him so much pleasure. Then he bit into my shoulder and my awareness shattered into a thousand points of pure bliss.   
Our minds suddenly synchomeshed and we were one. I could feel him, hear him . . . because I _was_ him. No Prowl, no Magnus, only this unified being. Pure love, pure bliss . . . a perfect love and perfect trust.   
And then that knowledge was there again. The attack. . . . No, it doesn't matter. . . . Scourge.   
A rage beyond words crystallized and shattered the perfect oneness between us. His swift, righteous fury swept aside all other emotions and considerations. Quite abruptly, I found myself sitting in his apartment, alone, an off-hand apology tossed in my direction.   
He had left me . . . left me to exact his vengeance. Left me to hunt down and destroy Scourge. I knew he thought he was doing it for me, but in that moment, it had not been about what I wanted, what I needed. He had left, not for me, but for himself.   
I wept for a time, hurting beyond words. But if he was even aware of my presence through our bond, he gave no signal of it. I lingered a moment more, then gathered my discarded armor and left. If he could leave me, then I could leave him. Or at least pretend to for a time. He would find me, of course. And, in truth, I did not want to leave him forever. Even though he hurt me deeply, I still loved him desperately.   
Perhaps that is why I found my way to the Yukon retreat. . . ._   
  
  
Prowl rolled to a stop at the base of the cliff, pausing only momentarily before transforming. He rested a hesitant hand against the rocky cliff face, surveying the beach before him. He wasn't sure _why_ he paused; the scrap of sand and water was empty of any humans, as it often was. Which was, perhaps, part of the reason Ultra Magnus had chosen it in the first place.   
The cavern retreat was a cool and dark contrast to the outside world, the computer holding all systems in standby. The generator's quiet hum somehow reassured him that all would be well again, in it's own time. Disengaging the seals on his shield, he set it aside and began manually bringing the retreat's systems back to full. He could have let the computer do it automatically, but the simple routine of it gave Prowl an excuse to think about something besides the hurt from his mate's sudden departure.   
_Do you know what you have done to me? Do you even care?_ he thought deep within himself. He knew he was being unfair; of course Magnus cared. Deeply, if he was so keen on revenge. But that knowledge did nothing to soothe his wounded spark.   
_Let him go, Magnus. Please, let him go. I don't care about Scourge, and I don't care about revenge. I just want you, whole and alive and holding me close. Is that really too much to ask?_   
With a heavy sigh, Prowl forced himself to think about something else.   
  


* * * * * 

  
Ultra Magnus charged onto the battlefield, immediately targeting Scourge with the full power of his fury. All other targets, all other considerations became meaningless. Nothing mattered except destroying Scourge, thereby extracting vengeance for the near-death of his mate.   
Something knocked him to the ground, kicking Blue Bolts out of his grasp. He growled, started to struggle free, only to be drawn into the fusion with his brother. He fought against it, wielding his anger like a weapon. Optimus batted the fury aside, refusing to either release control or release the fusion. Magnus's fury only grew hotter as his brother's will thwarted his own, a fury that threatened to explode as he saw the Decepticons escaping.   
_Damn you, Optimus! He's getting away!!!   
**Yes, he is. Because I had to stop you. **   
Did it ever occur to you that maybe I don't need or want you to stop me??   
**You would destroy anything to extract your vengeance.**   
Damn straight!   
**I submit that, by being here now, you may well destroy Prowl's love for you. You should not be here; you should be with him. That is why I did not want you knowing of this. Prowl needs YOU more than he needs vengeance.**_   
Ultra Magnus tried to deny the accusation, but his brother refused to accept it. More, he forced him to face what he had been ignoring: the sense of longing whispering through his bond to Prowl.   
**_Go, Brother. Find him. Be with him. That is all you need do now._**   
With precision and care, their forced fusion dissipated, leaving the two brothers standing side by side. Magnus looked down at his brother for a moment, then nodded to himself. Transforming without a word, he activated the space bridge and left the battlefield, never once even bothering to see who else was with his brother.   
  
  
Tracking Prowl was easier than he had expected, though, in hindsight, he wasn't terribly surprised to find his mate at the Yukon retreat. He could see Prowl standing on the beach, staring into the setting sun. He rolled forward, to the very edge of the cliff, watching his mate. Watching the way the sun glinted and shimmering across Prowl's form, caressing it with hints of red and orange as he stood at the waterline, his arms wrapped around himself tightly. Magnus paused for only a moment before transforming, launching himself into the air only to land at the base of the cliff.   
He wasn't sure what he had expected, but he hadn't expected to have his arrival ignored. While it was possible Prowl was so lost within himself that he wasn't even aware of Magnus's arrival, somehow, he doubted it. Which meant that Prowl was more than just casually upset with him. And that, surprisingly enough, hurt.   
"Well . . . do you intend to stand back there all night, just watching me in my misery?"   
Prowl slowly turned around, his optics glowing a deep, burnished golden hue. Magnus could clearly see the signs of anger and hurt in his bondmate's expression and posture. He resisted the urge to rush forward, even though he knew it was his fault Prowl was hurting. He had been wrong to leave the way he had, but he still had his dignity to maintain.   
"You left me. And for what? Vengeance? Did it even occur to you to ask what I wanted? No, of course not. . . ."   
"Prowl. . . ."   
"You left me. You're _always_ leaving me. Leaving me behind, leaving me alone. You're no different. Always leaving me."   
"Prowl," he sighed, at last closing the distance between them to rest his hands on Prowl's shoulder mounts, "I'm sorry."   
"Of course you had to leave. You just _had_ to hunt him down and make him pay for almost killing me, right? Because, you know, Primus forbid you should let go of such a thing. Nevermind that I don't really give a fragging micron what happens to him. Nevermind that all I really want is _you_. Nevermind that I'm always the one being left behind. Nevermind any of that, as long as you get your revenge in the end. I'm just a convienent excuse. So go ahead, run off an-- . . . wait, did you just apologize?"   
"Yes, Prowl. I was wrong and I'm sorry."   
Prowl gaped up at his mate, obviously at a loss for words. Magnus smiled gently, shifting his hands to lift Prowl into his arms. For a half second, Prowl held himself stiffly apart. Then his defenses broke and he leaned into Magnus's embrace.   
"Oh Magnus . . . oh my love . . . I'm so sorry. I didn't mean . . . please, please forgive me. . . ."   
"Shh, Prowl . . . hush, my love," he whispered soothingly, cradling his mate in his arms. Prowl's head rested limply against Magnus's chest, a faint hitch rattling in his air vents. Ultra Magnus tried to ignore it, opting instead to focus on carrying his bondmate into the cavern that was the major part of the retreat.   
"Forgive me for being a fool, Prowl?" he whispered, settling them both on the recharge berth that was the retreat's only major furnishing. He could feel a tremor shake through the pale warrior as Prowl seemed to collapse inward, shrinking in on himself.   
"I would do anything you wanted of me, beloved," Prowl whispered, but Magnus got the distinct impression that Prowl wasn't really speaking to him. "Only tell me what I must do."   
"Let me love you as you should be loved. Let me stand beside you for the rest of your life," he murmured, praying the different phrasing would break Prowl from visions of the past. Prowl looked up at him, confusion clear in his golden optics. Hesitant fingers lit upon his cheek, as if Prowl wasn't sure he believed what his visual sensors were reporting. Then a smile lit the depths of his optics and the faceplate he wore vanished.   
"It may be a lie . . . no, let me finish, my love. It may be a lie and it may not last, but I'll take you as long as you'll have me."   
"You are my bondmate, Prowl. In case you've forgotten what that means, I will be with you always, as you will be with me. It doesn't matter to me how we came to be bonded, only that we are and that I love you."   
He could feel the gratitude streaming from his mate as Prowl nestled against his chest. Leaking his own gratitude and abiding love into their bond, Ultra Magnus silently held his mate, watching the shadows rise as the sun sank below the horizon.   
_I love you, now and always. Through your past, in your present, and beyond your future. With you always, my beloved Prowl. You need never fear loneliness again._   
  


_~ El Fin ~_


End file.
